WFAN-AM in New York is reporting that former Mariner first baseman Richie Sexson has been signed by the New York Yankees. Since Sexson cleared waivers after his release last week, the Mariners will be responsible for the majority of his Yankee salary for the remainder of the year. So not only do the Mariners overpay their own underperforming players, they are now paying for guys to sit on the Yankees' bench. Makes sense to us.......

ART FORUM: Art critic Rachel Kushner has written a novel, Telex From Cuba. It starts out like a painting, which only makes sense, considering. You can read the first chapter, or just head to Elliott Bay tonight and let her read it to you. 7:30 p.m. // Elliott Bay Books // Free YOU'RE SUCH A TEASE: Wanna get your burlesque on, but don't know how to get started? Join the Open Tease tonight at the......

This Seattlest is not the most baseball-crazed tool in the shed, but we had a damn good time at last night's Mariners vs. Red Sox game. It started out with the Mariners up by three, until Manny Ramirez clocked a homer for the Sox and evened out the scoreboard. The tie held fast for the last few innings until Jose Lopez's nailbiting hit straight toward third base—at the bottom of the ninth—drove the winning......

Thanks to a Steve Inskeep aside this morning, Seattlest was reminded that "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" turned 100 in 2008. If our short-term memory serves, Mr. NPR said the song was first sung a century ago today. The Mariners open a series against your favorite team to hate tonight, in their soon-to-be-history stadium, so no seventh-inning Safeco Liberty Mutual stretch for local fans. But, hey, have a beer and sing it......

Not all wounds heal quickly, as evidenced by allegations from a Pittsburgh Steelers fan who claims a fast-food-working Seahawks fan spit in his burger this week. Seattlest has three problems with this story: First of all, everybody who has ever worked in the restaurant business knows you don’t spit on top of the burger, you lift the bun and spit directly on the burger then conceal the treachery under the bun by placing it......

Ever since we read Frito Pie 101 in the Stranger, we've been itching to try a Frito pie and last night at Georgetown's Smarty Pants we sealed the deal at last. It's not a deal we'll be renegotiating any time soon. We're far from experts, of course. All we can say is that when rating it on its "appeal," we're Russian judges. Nyetch. It was a Seattlest meet-up, so we bought a Frito pie for......

Well, that was spectacular. From the heady days of August 25th, when the M's were three up in the wild card and only one back in the division, had won two straight in Texas, when we were all excited about Blue-za-palooza or whatever the fuck it was...to now, after 11 losses in 12 games, when we're all pretty much in wait 'till next year mode. You've all seen the boat sink, here are the numbers.......

Your Seattle Mariners played their biggest series in four seasons this week. With a chance to overtake the first place Angels if they could win three games, the Mariners won zero games. They got outscored 24-8. Ever see that thing they do at the zoo where hippos eat pumpkins? It was like that. Much of the blame is gonna come down on Mariner manager John McLaren, who took the interesting step of using his worst......

You may have heard about the unfortunate Kirkland man who was enjoying a Yankee game with his wife and son when some drunk asshole fell on top of and nearly killed him. Seattlest lived in New York for nine years, we attended innumerable Yankee games--usually in the very upper deck where the above tragedy occurred. We were also once landed on by a drunk fan--this during game five of the 2001 AL playoffs, when a......

LAist was comped front row seats by the Dodgers due to Malingering being struck by a foul ball last week, and she came back with some great photos, and earlier made fun of 4th of July on Venice Beach. But the biggest stories of the week was that the Mayor's Hot Tamale was revealed, and that a Kwik-E-Mart was erected in Burbank. Phillyist was busy doing the Fourth of July up right, exercising their......

Come with us back to our teenage years, will you? Then, the only visiting teams that drew any supporters to M's games were the Yankees and the Blue Jays. Damn it was annoying, to have Mariner fans outnumbered--and we mean this literally--outnumbered--at home games. The Jays no longer draw well, now that, in the A.L. East, they are basically impotent onlookers as the powerful teams battle for supremacy. (Call them the Canada of baseball). Now......

Holy smokes! Giant fish on the MTA, Paris Hilton in jail, then out, then in again, Al Gore, goatses, blumpkins, Matt Damon, and baby art critics! It's been a busy week across the Ist-A-Verse, and here's a smattering of what's been going on. In Gothamist's neck of the woods, they found out that many things are possible: A man caught a 40+ pound fish off the Rockaways and took it home on the subway. Graffiti......

Vitals: Justin William Germano, 24 yo RHP. Born in Pasadena, California. 6-3, 205. 2-3, 5.71 career. 1-0, 0.69 in 2007. No salary info. Arsenal: Germano's a sinkerballer--he'll throw that pitch lots. He also mixes in a fastball. Recent Battles: Germano's never faced the Mariners. Our Best Weapon: George Costanza rule: Whatever the M's did against the last sinkerballer they faced, Chien Ming Wang (when they didn't get a hit until the 8th), they should do......

Vitals: Andrew Eugene Pettitte, 34 yo LHP. Born in Baton Rouge, LA. 6-5, 225. 188-105, 3.79 career. 2-1, 2.72 in 2007. Arsenal: Low-90s fastball, his excellent cut fastball (it runs in to righties), a 12-6 curve and a change. Recent Battles: Pettitte hasn't pitched against the M's since August of '03. Only two guys from that team still on the M's are Ichiro (who went 2-4) and Willie Ballgame (0-3). Pettitte's 8-9 career against the......

Adios Lakisha. Did we call it, or what? We know, we also made some comment about how none of the Idol contestants chose any good BeeGees songs this week, but we stand corrected. KiKi did "Staying Alive," but we totally forgot about it because it was just that meh. Obviously the rest of the country agreed with us, and she was sent home last night. We'll give a quick sum-up of last night's show:......

Permit us to bloviate some on the death of David Halberstam today in a car crash, which is utter bullshit considering that the guy reported from fricking Vietnam and he dies in a traffic accident in San Mateo (the car that hit him driven by, in a terrible irony, a Berkeley journalism student) (actually, I'm an idiot, his driver was a Berkeley student, so there's no irony, just terribleness). Halberstam's Summer of '49, about the......

Monday SHERMAN FREAKING ALEXIE: The best-selling author returns with his first novel in ten years. Flight tells the story of an orphaned Indian boy who travels back and forth through time in a violent search for his true identity. Real Change-published poets (that would actually include Alexie, too) read as part of the program. 7:30pm // Town Hall // $5 LOCAL AUTHOR: Maya Sonenberg, the Creative Writing Program Director at the UW, presents a......

Sometimes you earn a win, and sometimes the other team gives you one. Here are the all-time screw-ups by opponents that helped Seattle teams win big games. 1) Tony Romo We've pretty much covered this, and it's got to be #1. 2) Jim Sweeney and the 1975 Apple Cup Up 27-14 with 3:01 left and the ball deep in Husky territory, the Cougar coach let his players talk him into passing for a touchdown. The......

10. Mariners vs Yankees (August 22): The Yankees kept taking the lead and the Mariners kept coming back. In the ninth, with the score tied 5-5, A-Rod came up with a clutch bases loaded strike out. Later that inning Adrian Beltre won the game on a walk off home run. 9. Seahawks vs Green Bay (November 27): The field was covered in snow, Alexander ran for over 200 yards, Hasselbeck over came a slow start......

Could Randy Johnson don a Mariners uniform in 2007? Those speculating aren’t entirely convinced floundering GM Bill Bavasi could pull off a (worthwhile) deal to acquire the Yankees’ aging Unit, and although we’re not the most astute of M’s followers, we’re dubious, too. We think it’s more likely the Mariners will trade for another mound giant—the Dodgers’ Mark Hendrickson. Because we saw him downtown last night. We couldn’t help doing a double-take when we walked......

Gothamist, among many others, is reporting that a plane has apparently crashed into a building on the upper east side--you can see the exact location on 72nd via Gothamist's Googlemap hack. Currently it is being reported as a helicopter that crashed into the building. You can see pictures at the Gothamist site (national news sites didn't have anything yet, but they've got screen captures from local news up on their site). Update: From Gothamist: City......

With the playoffs underway we thought it would be fun to look at all of the former Mariners you may come accross DODGERS Derek Lowe—Last year he went through a very public divorce after it was revealed that he was having an affair with Carolyn Hughes, a reporter for the Dodger’s pre-game show. The name of the program: ‘Dodger Insider.’ Giovanni Carrara -- “I’m-a gonna strike-a you out Delgado.” Aaron Sele—Quick note to the Dodgers......

Things we learned at trivia last night: In the right circumstances, the Bellevue skyline (not a contradiction in terms) resembles Anchorage, Portland, Everett, Cleveland, or Cincinnati. Jessica Biel was a very unpopular choice for Esquire magazine's 2005 sexiest woman alive. (Most popular guesses: Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba.) No one realized PowerPoint was an original Microsoft Office program. And there were not a lot of Judy Collins aficionados in the crowd. Thirteen teams turned out......

Vladimir Guerrero, who hits a baseball harder than anyone we've ever seen, laced a line drive off of Mariners pitcher Rafael Soriano's skull in the 8th inning of last night's 6-4 Mariner win. Greg Bishop of the Times on Soriano's condition: Soriano suffered a head injury and a concussion, but at Harborview he took a CT scan and an MRI, both of which offered results team physician Dr. Edward Khalfayan termed "reassuring." Khalfayan said Soriano......

Last night we found a way to enjoy a Mariners game-- get red-ass drunk and scream at the players for three hours. This normally isn't our style. We much prefer to score the first few innings, sip on three dollar tea, and roll our eyes at whatever Hargrove does. However, we were with old friends from out of town, the home town nine had just dropped eleven in a row, obnoxious Yankee fans were......

Well, well, look who is back in town, Mr. Alex Susan Rodriguez. A-Rod and the Yankees pull into Safeco Field for a three game asshole stomping starting tonight. Safeco fans have booed him lustily ever since he left Seattle for the bright lights of Arlington. However, since Rodriguez gets booed in every stadium, especially his own, it has kind of lost its zip. So this week, why not laugh at him. Sure, he may still......

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, the White Sox announcer (and former GM), has a blog that Deadspin linked to today. In recent post, Harrelson contrasts the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants style of Sox manager Ozzie Guillen with the style of other managers. It rung a bell for us. Ozzie doesn't try to manage a game to cover his behind and that's what too many managers do. There are managers out there that have no more business managing a ball club......

Rumors abound early this week concerning a most ghastly notion, a dark vision that has kept us sleepless: reportedly, both the Houston Astros and Philadelphia Phillies called Mariners GM Bill Bavasi over the weekend to inquire about a potential trade for Ichiro. Candidates for the swap included Roy Oswalt from Houston and some insulting combination of Bobby Abreu, Cory Lidle, and Arthur Rhodes from Philly. Abreu and Lidle finally landed with the New York Yankees......

As the Mariners continue to stagger through the second week of the season our optimism following the 3-1 start has dropped a bit, okay a huge bit. We may need to take a break tonight since we have spent the last few games with our head in our hands. Tomorrow night Felix pitches, which is always fun to watch, and Friday night there is an interesting pitching match up (at least until the game begins)......

MLB.com released its 2006 Top 50 Prospects Poll today. It's based on voting by "23 members of the scouting community," and these are 23 folks who don't think much of the Everett Aquasox, Wisconsin Timber Rattlers, San Antonio Missions, or any other Seattle Mariner farm club. Out of the 50 prospects selected, not a single one is property of our Mariners. What do you people do all day??? On the bright side, there's one prospect......