The Mariners have hired longtime coach and manager Lee Elia as a consultant. Elia--who had two tours as a Mariner coach in the 90s--will likely have no impact on what the Mariners do in 2008, but his hiring gives us all the excuse we need to post the below, which may be the greatest rant in the history of the world.
Mariners Hire World-Class Ranter
Mariners Won't Fire Their Manager or General Manager
The Mariners announced yesterday that Manager John McLaren and General Manager Bill Bavasi will both be back next year.
Seattle's Sports Savior is Back on the Case
You may not agree with his conservative politics, but if you like the Mariners, you owe an elaborate tip of the cap to ex-U.S. Senator Slade Gorton.
Making Sense of A Cruel, Heartless World
Your Seattle Mariners played their biggest series in four seasons this week. With a chance to overtake the first place Angels if they could win three games, the Mariners won zero games.
Elsewhere in the Ist-a-verse
With unseasonable weather descending upon much of North America, schools getting ready to reconvene, and sports seasons getting exciting, it's a busy time of year for us here in the Ist-A-Verse. Luckily, even with all the things we have to do, we still managed to get together to let you know what we've all been up to.
The Mariners Want You to Wear Blue
The Mariners announced that they're calling the M's Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday series with the first-place Angels "Lolla-Blue-za."
Here Comes a Pennant Race
Got an email from a friend the other day: "My boss says he's officially back on the Mariners bandwagon."
Tonight's Target: Scott Kazmir
Vitals: Scott Edward Kazmir, 23 yo LHP. Born in Houston, Texas. 6-0, 170. 24-22, 3.75 career. 2-2, 3.83 in 2007. $424,300 salary.
All The News
--It may be just a Wednesday night for you, but Japan's already buzzing with anticipation about Dice-K vs. Ichiro. Via Deadspin
Mariner Coaches Enjoy Life as All Four Games are Snowed Out
When you don't have to worry about Willie Bloomquist getting a hit with your job on the line, well, life becomes a little easier.
Mike Hargrove is a Genius
Even the best managers, for instance, Earl Weaver, admit that--at best--they can win an extra two or three games a year for their team.
I Hate Your Team and So Does Jesus: A 2007 Seattle Mariners Preview
Today is Mariners Opening Day, and we are feeling optimistic (buoyed mostly by the two dollar Rainiers at the Triangle). However, there are people in the world who don't like the Mariners. One of those people is our college friend Bill Arkansaw, who besides being an A's fan also loves to punch kittens in their face. We asked Arkansaw to preview the upcoming Mariners season.
Are the Mariners Bankrupt?
The Mariners' player payroll will top $100 million in 2007. $111 million, to be more precise, an $18 million increase over last year.
Mariners Make a Move that Won't be Universally Hated
Which of the following will you not hear on a Mariners television broadcast this season:
Everyone Hates Soriano for Ramirez. Not Us.
If you want to read the many reasons why the Rafael Soriano for Horacio Ramirez deal sucks, USS Mariner (humorlessly) and Lookout Landing (hilariously--check the poll) can satisfy you.
Will They Trade for the Elephant, Too? M's Trying to Trade for Hudson, Sign Zito
According to the P-I, the Mariners aren't kidding about going after Barry Zito.
The Mariners aren't backing off their interest in Oakland left-handed starter Barry Zito, the pitcher expected to come out of the winter (if not the winter meetings themselves) with the most lucrative contract awarded a pitcher.
Guess Who Else Ran Into Two Outs At Home Plate On The Same Play? Yeah, It Was The Mariners
In yesterday's NL Division Series game vs. the Mets, the Dodgers' Jeff Kent and J.D. Drew got tagged out at home on the same play (video available here).
Taking the good with the bad
The Mariners announced in a letter to fans yesterday that Mike Hargrove will be back as manager. The man has now led his charges to six consecutive losing seasons--two here, four in Baltimore. Over at USS Mariner, the masses are in revolt--if "revolt" can be defined as "leaving angry comments on a blog."
Bench Coach-less Mariners Attempt to Sail On
The Mariners fired bench coach Ron Hassey yesterday. This puts the team in quite a quandary, according to a P-I story.
Mariners Sign Off, Not Their Marketers
The Mariners completed a three-game getting swept yesterday, losing 7-6 to the A's. But the team's marketing department, desperate to unload tickets for a mid-week series vs. the Devil Rays, found a silver lining, as evidenced by this "Mariners Mail" we received this morning:
Carl Everett Now Available For Paleontological Research
The Mariners released Carl Everett today, to overwhelming joy of the M's blogosphere. Better yet, they brought up Chris Snelling, the Job of the Mariners minor league system, whose string of awful injury luck began in this game.
Mariners Start Second Half in Like an Hour
The Mariners mood swing of a season continues tonight in Toronto. The blue and teal are three games under .500 and three games back of the first place A's and Rangers.
Mariners Pre-Game Ritual Is Microcosmal Race War
The Mariners play a children's game called "Flip" before they play each baseball game. In Flip you use your glove, hands and feet to pass a baseball around a circle. If you permit the ball to hit the ground, you're out.
2001 Mariners Flashback: We Had a Good Manager Once
Yes, the M's won yesterday, pulling within 3.5 games of first-place Oakland. But not without another startling managerial gaffe. With runners on the corners, and two outs in the Dodgers fourth, Hargrove had Joel Pineiro pitch to the #8 hitter instead of walking him to get to the pitcher. Of course, the #8 hitter singled, driving in a run, and even Dave Niehaus, who is rarely critical, lamented "I don't understand why you don't walk that guy!" Neither do we, Dave.
I Will Remember You
The Mariners continued their season-long 26th anniversary tribute to former shortstop Mario Mendoza last night, managing nine mostly groundball singles in a 2-0 loss to Cleveland.
Elsewhere in Ist
Shanghaiist probably knows a little more about China than the Chicago Sun-Times. Giving them the benefit of the doubt on that one. The city does to have a music scene. Don't even front like they don't. They also have Dorito bananas and white guys shopping for wives. What they don't have is any more tolerance for jaywalkers.

