According to Friends of the Woodland Park Zoo Elephants, the zoo is dirtier than a frat bathroom with twice the STDs. With elephants dying of herpes and generally pinned into tiny confines, the group contends it's time to stop gawking at their expense and release them to a happy retirement in far-off sanctuaries. more ›

There are plenty of reasons not to hire an escort you spot in a photo in the back pages of The Seattle Weekly or The Stranger. For one, prostitution (yeah, we know, it's for the "company") is still illegal. For two, STDs STDs STDs! And lastly, as an unlucky 80-something-year-old man learned, they might just steal your money without performing for you. Seattle 911 says a man in his early 80s showed up at the West Seattle Police Precinct to report a theft. The man had found a young lady in the back of the Weekly and paid $250 upfront. Before the duo engaged in the paid-for act, the escort ran to her car to grab a condom. Rather than face the prospect of getting boned by an 80-something-year-old, the escort did not return. Thus the self-incriminating, would-be Casanova reported the theft to the SPD, which we think is just classic. more ›

You've read about it, you've thought about it, you've mentally bailed on it, but tonight's the night you should come out to Seattlest trivia at the Old Pequliar in Ballard. Not just for the $3 Newcastle pints, or the taco deal, but because Seth is hosting, and he has the fewest STDs of all the Seattlest trivia hosts (3.5). more ›