None of us are going to Sasquatch this year. That's right, all of Seattlest--all of this MANY-HEADED CERBERUS--is far too lame to be heading out to the Gorge for what looks to be a beautiful Memorial Day weekend. Instead, we're staying home, putting a few ice cubes in our scotch, and breaking out the summer tweed. But were we attending the three-day fest this year, we'd have plenty of good acts to choose from. We perused the schedule to come up with our hypothetical recommendations for this very real festival. more ›

Yes, they're overblown and sure, it's tiring to watch 4+ hours of Hollywood patting itself on the back, but it's the Academy Awards, fer fuckssake. We can't not watch Sunday's big show. From the red carpet fashion to the drawn-out musical numbers to the people-who've-died montage and the Academy's tribute to gaffers, the Oscars offer something for everyone. Plus, this year it's hosted by Jon Stewart and, though his comedy is not exactly made for Hollywood insiders, we still love that wee little funnyman. (Fact: Jon Stewart is approximately Oscar-sized.) more ›