Which of the following will you not hear on a Mariners television broadcast this season:
Mariners Make a Move that Won't be Universally Hated
LSU vs. Washington: Who's In Trouble Here?
Yeah, LSU went to the Final Four last year, and yeah, they've been ranked as high as #5, and yeah, they have maybe the country's best player in Glen "Big Baby" Davis, but....
Who the Fuck is Cesar Jimenez?
He's the Mariners starting pitcher tonight against Oakland.
Red Sunset
Ron Fairly is not a good baseball announcer. He repeats himself, his commentary is full of non-sequiturs ("if that ball were hit a little higher, it would've been a home run!"), he can't actually do play-by-play at all...we've poked fun at him before.
The Happy Hands of Harold Reynolds
Things were going so well for Northwest native Harold Reynolds: he played twelve strong seasons at second base for the hometown nine, leading the league in stolen bases, triples, and at-bats in various years. In fact, he's the only guy to lead the league in steals in the 1980s other than Rickey Henderson. He was a two-time All-Star, and a Roberto Clemente award winner in 1991.
Eddie Guarda-DON'T
Mariner closer Eddie Guardado's campaign to ruin Seattle's summer continues apace, with the merry prankster blowing his third save of the season last night at Chicago.

