Juggalos: the FBI is Watching You, Because You're Now in a Gang

Amid the surge in support for the working class that the Occupy movement has created, no one is more of the 99% than the juggalos, who have basically been occupying our hearts and minds since two upstanding gentlemen by the names of Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent Jay first brought it to our attention that poor white people are being "hella oppressed", too. And you know what? They don't like you either, oppressors. Not one bit.

But now, the Insane Clown Posse (and their troop of cosmetically-challenged followers, which includes, but is not limited to, Charlie Sheen and Snoop Dogg) is really being targeted by the Man, because the FBI has officially decided that they are a gang.

Like the Bloods and the Latin Kings before them, the Juggalos are now being targeted by the Feds for their Faygo drinking, makeup-applying, and their poor taste in music. Oh, no, that's not right, is it? Well, here's what the FBI says, anyway:

The Juggalos, a loosely-organized hybrid gang, are rapidly expanding into many US communities. Although recognized as a gang in only four states, many Juggalos subsets exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence. Law enforcement officials in at least 21 states have identified criminal Juggalo sub-sets, according to NGIC reporting.

The FBI have been given some misinformation. Violence? Against what, blunts and orange soda? The majority of juggalos are too busy living in vans and sitting outside of various fast-food chains trying to get money for pot and food for their pit bulls named Reefer to do much actual gang activity. And regarding the "loosely-organized" part, it is clear that the FBI has never visited the Gathering of the Juggalos, which is surprisingly well organized and shockingly well-attended.

The report does go on to cite a handful of potentially violent juggalo moments, including one in King County, but for the most part, the seem focused on figuring out exactly who the juggalos are. Here, they try to pin them down (emphasis is mine).

Juggalos’ disorganization and lack of structure within their groups, coupled with their transient nature, makes it difficult to classify them and identify their members and migration patterns. Many criminal Juggalo sub-sets are comprised of transient or homeless individuals, according to law enforcement reporting. Most Juggalo criminal groups are not motivated to migrate based upon traditional needs of a gang. However, law enforcement reporting suggests that Juggalo criminal activity has increased over the past several years and has expanded to several other states. Transient, criminal Juggalo groups pose a threat to communities due to the potential for violence, drug use/sales, and their general destructive and violent nature.

Your move, juggalos.