Rest of Nation Celebrates National Coffee Day; Seattle Yawns (Probably Needs More Coffee)

Sigh. These "National Whatever" days are so tiresome. First, everyone wants to stay away from Seattle (good!). Now, everyone wants to make like Seattle. Which is what they're doing with this day. Because isn't every day National Coffee Day here?

But this one is extra dumb. First, it's ridiculous that Krispy Kreme and 7-Eleven are the ones offering free coffee today, because we all know that that is not coffee, that is the leftover crud from the bottom of my bike fender that cost more than your car, with some non-dairy creamer and sugar and other things that are awful added in.

Also, Starbucks is not, however, offering any free coffee, which goes to show that they are truly the worst company of all time. They would be raking it in today, getting people to by scones on sticks or whatever else they actually make their money on. Now's the time when I grumble something about the Sonics, right?

National Coffee Day is, in fact, so ludicrous that even the brilliant scholars at Wikipedia are considering deleting its entry on this scam, which is probably being purported by Maxwell House or some such nonsense.

Of course, if you must do this (because you love coffee or you love to celebrate or whatever), do it the damned the Seattle way by taking advantage of any of the many independent coffee shops throughout the city, like Victrola, Vivace or Vita.

Though Seattle is home to big corporate coffee establishments (you know who you are), whose aim seems to be to turn the industry into one big frothy "frappuccino" (blerg), Seattle is lucky to still have many artisan roasters and cafes dedicated to the craft of espresso, milk and coffee. Those little flowers and hearts on the tops of your lattes aren't just decoration, they are signals that your barista is trained to care about your drink not just to push buttons.

And now I need an Americano. With no cream. Because this is Seattle, damnit.