Here's to Beer! Schwag Beer Showdown

And the winner is...

This is the season when these beers are most reached for, earning them the nickname “lawnmower” beers for their frequent use as a thirst quencher during sweaty summer yard work. Believe it or not, people ask my opinion on these beers a lot, and honestly, I haven’t had very good answers for them since I never, ever, drink them. I thought it was high time to taste some of these beers with an open mind to settle the question.

For the record, I don’t ever diss any one style of beer, whether I like it or not. I really, truly believe that there is a time and place for everything, and every beer. While I will never bad mouth American lager, I can’t say I am a fan of big beer companies. I find them morally bankrupt, monopolistic entities that use coercion and intimidation to boss around competitors. I support small craft brewers and urge everyone reading this to do the same. With that made clear, let the Schwag Beer Showdown begin!

The Set Up: I picked out four of the most common macro lagers that you can find in any supermarket. All the beers were dispensed from 24 ounce cans into identical tasting glasses.

Pabst Blue Ribbon was my least favorite beer of the group. It had much too much DMS (cooked corn) flavor, even in the aroma of the beer. Small amounts of DMS are acceptable for the style but this was excessive in my opinion. Malt and hop flavors were near nil, with only a very light hop bitterness in the finish.

Budweiser didn’t fare much better, although its levels of DMS were in a much more normal range. It was still the watered down, nearly flavorless stereotype. Its head retention was the worst of the group. I also found an odd, estery sweetness in the after taste that, while subtle, was very off putting.

Rainier had my hopes going, simply for the proud declaration of using “Yakima hops” on the can. Hope was further bolstered by the prodigious head and excellent head retention, the best of the group. The flavor was, however, lackluster. I did get what tasted like some actual malt and hops flavors, although it came across a bit watered down.

Miller High Life was the somewhat surprising winner of this line up. Its head retention was second only to the Rainier, and in terms of aroma and flavor, it was a clear winner. You got a taste of pale malt, and a definite hops aroma, with a crisp, dry finish. Whether it’s really the “champagne of beers” is debatable, but it was the only one of these beers I actually finished.

So there you have it. While I can’t say any of these beers would make it into my usual rotation, it was fun to revisit these workhorse beers and look at them with an open mind. Tasting these “macro brewed” beers has been a reminder of just how great the craft brewing scene really is, even when brewing a style like American Lager and competing with the big boys. Like Devo said, “Freedom of choice is what you’ve got,” and I think when it’s time for me to choose a beer, I will stick with craft brews. Cheers!

Rich Coffey is a chef and Certified Cicerone. Find out more about him here.