Top Chef Casting Call in Seattle

Do you have a delightfully foul mouth, a full sleeve of pork-inspired tattoos, and a fondness for pea puree? Maybe you're wildly arrogant, or just slightly unhinged? Then mark your calendar for Bravo's just-announced Top Chef and Top Chef: Just Desserts casting call in Seattle next month. Applicants can strut their stuff for season nine on March 9 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Hotel 1000.

Fair warning, applying involves filling out a 25-page form where contestants sign away their rights to blab details, or protest when Bravo's crack editing team makes them look clueless, villainous or just downright douchey. Questions range from "Are you a chef?" to asking for a culinary interpretation of the lyric 'Five golden rings" from the famous Christmas carol. Anyone who uses onion rings in their response should be disqualified immediately.

Top Chef contestants can't run for public office for one year after the series airs and must agree to a psychological exam, presumably to help producers achieve that oh-so-important ratio of Marcel-like crazy in each cast.