Say Goodbye to Alcoholic Energy Drinks

It appears that all other alcoholic energy drinks are going the way of Tilt, Rockstar 21 and Sparks. Citing "public health and safety concerns," the Washington State Liquor Control Board finally took down their archenemy du jour, Four Loko, this morning with a 120-day ban on alcoholic energy drinks starting November 18. Don't get too excited or start marking your March 2011 calendar with the exact day you can once more drink your sweet, sweet Joose (it's 120 days from November 17, if you're counting)--the WSLCB will spend that 120 days figuring out how to ban it altogether.

Michigan has also banned alcoholic energy drinks in the wake of Four Loko's path of destruction--which apparently also took down 54 other beverages with it (which makes one wonder: what are these 54 other beverages, and where may I obtain them?).

Let's have a moment of silence in memory of your alcoholic energy drink of choice. During this moment of silence, you are encouraged to think about Irish coffee, jagerbombs, touchdowns, rum & coke, whiskey & coke or any other alcohol/stimulant combination available at your local bar or in your living room, but not at your local convenience store.

Now let's have another moment of silence where we consider what these poor, innocent, inexperienced young drinkers will do next now that they can't buy their alcohol and stimulants pre-mixed. My money is on crushed Adderall in banana-flavored Mad Dog 20/20, but I'm open to other ideas.