Sounders Really, Really Sorry About Saturday’s Ass-Kicking

On Saturday the Sounders got absolutely spanked 4-0 by the Los Angeles Galaxy. It was their worst home loss ever, in front of their biggest crowd ever. So, taking a page from the Nordstrom playbook, the Sounders front office announced Sunday it is giving all 32,000 season ticket holders their money back for having to watch the team essentially take a 90-minute crap on the XBOX pitch.

The refund is actually a one-game credit towards next season’s ticket package, so it’s not exactly like Nordstrom, where you could pretty much bring back a poopy untagged pair of jeans you bought at the Goodwill six years ago, and leave with a crispy $50 bill. (If you actually try this and push hard enough, they’ll do it just to make you go away.)

Still, the customer servicey nature of the Sounders’ move is commendable. Said a literally sleepless GM Adrian Hanauer after the loss:

“…That performance last night wasn't good enough. The effort wasn't good enough. The execution wasn't good enough. The heart wasn't good enough. The passion wasn't good enough. The only thing that was good enough was our fans. So we decided that we’re going to give our fans their money back for that game… That wasn’t Sounders soccer. And it was quite frankly embarrassing, humiliating, and they don’t deserve that.”

Oh, somehow there are a small minority of fans out there complaining about the gesture on forums and Facebook, saying things like “Keep your damn money,” or “I’m insulted by this.” Also, are you stupid? You are GETTING MONEY. The Dow fell 1,000 points in five minutes the other day, and you’re turning away money? If you found a $10 bill in your pocket doing laundry, would you throw it away? If the nice old neighbor lady next door brought you a pie would you say, “I didn’t ask for this!” and knock it out of her hand?

Meanwhile, this made us think of what else we deserve a refund for. Off the top of our head - Eric Byrnes, Deion Branch, that Belltown highrise, The Blair Witch Project, the Kalakala, our family’s LaserDisc player (and LaserDisc collection), and the entirety of years 2008 and 1993.

So be ready, clerks at Nordstrom Bellevue Square. We will be by with all of these items shortly.