We Have Good News, We Have Bad News

Good News, Everyone!

• The Air Force has submitted its final wish list for a new refueling tanker, and it looks one heck of a lot like a Made-In-Washington Boeing 767, leaving some question as to whether competitors Northrop Grumman will even submit a bid, or just sulk off like a bunch of big, sissy babies.
• The US Olympic Hockey team continued its great run, beating Switzerland 2-0 to move into the semifinal round. All together now... U-S-A! U-S-A!
• And while we're in a fit of jingoistic passion, let's have a hand for the ATF, which is doing a bang up job protecting us from the nightmarish scourge of illegally imported toy guns.
• State legislators also managed to keep intact a bill that, if passed, will allow police to pull over drivers for talking on their cell phones while driving. It will, unfortunately, still not let officers hand these drivers over to the nearest elementary school teacher for a stern lecture about safety, courtesy and common damned sense.
• And finally, it appears the fashion police finally called the real police on a Puyallup barista whose only crime was pouring lattes while wearing nothing but pasties and a g-string. Which, as anyone who makes or consumes coffee knows, is gross enough that it probably should be illegal.

• Hate crime numbers are up across the board, against every group, proving once again that while Americans may be violent assholes, we are violent assholes who value egalitarianism. U-S-A! U-S-A!
• Animals running all over the place, no good kids lying in the street, dudes punching through trailers - just another week in Oak Harbor.
• The Puget Sound may have its very own mini-Madoff - local investor Rhonda Breard is under investigation for fleecing folks out of their life savings and using the money to buy things like motor homes and Camaros and jet skis. This makes it is even classier than normal investment fraud!
• And the last piece of bad news we can stomach today - Tim Eyman still exists. This is only because we are all still paying attention to him, people - he is basically the monster under our collective bed! Yesterday saw Eyman slither out from whatever rock he lives under 364 days of the year and make his annual pilgrimage to Olympia where he held his nose and gave a thumbs down as Christine Gregoire signed a measure temporarily suspending tax-limiting I-960. For his next press conference, Eyman will go one better, rubbing his belly and patting his head - AT THE SAME TIME! We are left to assume that this beats the holy hell out of working for a living.