Curling: Our Winter Olympics Crack

Whether you genuinely enjoy it, or think it is the dumbest non-sport in the history of organized competition, we know somewhere inside curling fascinates you.

For all the flamboyance, flash, and drama the headliner Olympic events such as skating and skiing offer, curling resides firmly on the other end of the spectrum. Yet somehow it draws a quadrennial cult following, a bunch of people enchanted by another bunch of people pushing rocks back and forth, back and forth, for almost three hours. All this for no apparent reason, it seems, other than to scream at their teammates (“whoa.. whooa.. HARD! YEAH! HARRRRDDD!) in a manner usually reserved for orgasms and/or exorcisms.

Personally we can't stop watching, and Friday both the US women's and men's teams picked up their first victories, the men winning after dramatically benching their captain. This year's games have had a certain appeal, from wacky pants, to the possibility that, since these Olympics have been unsettlingly prone to crashes, this may be the year someone suffers a horrific curling injury (perhaps slipping on the ice and being impaled on a broom, or a foot being mutilated by a carelessly aimed rock, the bloody mess vigorously swept away with, well, brooms).

Lucky for the Seattlest-reading curling addict, you live in the right American city.

Seattle happens to be home to the Granite Curling Club, the only dedicated curling club on the entire west coast of the United States. Starting this weekend, the club will host open houses allowing the general public to take up a broom and curl like it’s bowling night. $15 per person or $40 per family buys you up to two hours on the ice, complete with an instructor.

So grab a beer, get your rocks off (literally), and show everyone your best curling O-face. But if you do that, maybe leave the kids at home.