Nature Litterers, A Special Kind of Scum

Ron Judd recently wrote that laws targeting litterers need to be tougher. We agree, litterers are lazy scum who probably screw society over every chance they get. The sooner we can identify and shame them, the better things are for the rest of us.

What defies our lazy profiling is the nature litterer.

We understand the 400-pound heart attack-waiting-to-happen throwing a Big N Tasty wrapper out the window of his Chevy Malibu. He doesn’t respect anything left of Ultimate Fighting, why would he respect our community? It’s sad but we get it.

But we don’t get the people that hike Discovery Park, that choose to spend their time appreciating nature's beauty, and still have the nerve or sociopathic disregard to throw their garbage on the beach or trail. These creeps shift our lazy personality profiling system out of whack.

Who does that? Who likes nature enough to seek it out, but not enough to respect it for convenience's sake?

These people exist--or at least their garbage does. We see it all the time outdoors. It’s like smoking in a hospital or listening to E-40 in church. The contradiction is unnerving.

It’s harder and harder to go hiking and not find garbage. At Twin Falls there is an unfortunate amount of garbage under the viewing platform. For the sake of humanity we’ll pretend shit was dropped and couldn’t be reached. But at Discovery Park there are garbage cans (i.e., no excuses). If you litter here, you are a horrible person, period.

Seattlest wishes Mother Nature had a sweet Uzi so she could just bust a cap in all these selfish bitches, but she can’t. It’s not her style. We can only take comfort in the deranged hope that every time lightning strikes a person, it’s really just Mother Nature getting back at a litterbug. We’re pretty sure if Ron Judd wasn’t under the strict Blethen editorial eye, he’d say the same.