Area Media Inundated With Violent Teenage Girls

Did the Jonas Brothers suddenly break up and nobody told us? Teenage girls in Western Washington are going violently apeshit this week and we can’t put a finger on why.

Either somebody is putting testosterone in the water supply, or the hormone count in our processed foods has suddenly reached a tipping point--either way teenage girls in the area aren’t taking shit in stride.

From stabbings in Bonney Lake to locally-bred stabbers being exported East to bludgeoning backpacks to girl-incited riots at Meany Middle School (WTF?!), let's just say we’re glad we aren’t an emasculated eighth grade boy in an area junior high, because gender roles don’t appear to be shifting in their favor.

Fatalistic parents/counselors might find value in directing said violent femmes towards today’s AP story showing that girls-gone-bad who fall back on the age-old reliability of prostitution are finding it less profitable than ever. Memo to all psycho teens drinking from the trendy ultraviolence trough: Having an education and the kind of criminal record that keeps you employable may be worth something after all.