Woodland Park = Sexless Brothel, Say Activists
Sure they look cute, but local activists contend that behind the big, goofy ears are tears and misery. Photo courtesy of Synapped from the Seattlest Flickr Pool.
According to Friends of the Woodland Park Zoo Elephants, the zoo is dirtier than a frat bathroom with twice the STDs. With elephants dying of herpes and generally pinned into tiny confines, the group contends it's time to stop gawking at their expense and release them to a happy retirement in far-off sanctuaries.
We’re of the opinion any discussion of zoo misery is incomplete if it only wants to recognize one species’ suffering. For the record, nobody looks more miserable stuck in their pseudo-environment than the big cats--only a sick world would mistake their depressing body language for entertainment. Sometimes we secretly wish the zoo staff would feed the cats live offerings (sex offenders, maybe) as an occasional surprising treat/barbaric entertainment, but we’re pretty sure that would make the more squeamish visitors uncomfortable.
Not that the non-zoo world is all that great itself, with whales dropping like seagull feces. We aren’t claiming the great outdoors is the wonderful, clean utopia it once was. Between last week's Frontline on Puget Sound, today’s dismal air-quality grades, and news that pig sex finally has an infectious consequence, we’re pretty sure we aren’t too far from the Earth saying "Fuck it" and just turning on all of us. It’s not like you could blame it.
