Welcome to the NCAA Tournament, the largest collective gambling enterprise this side of Wall Street.
We can't tell you how to win your pool, but we can give you a couple of tips that'll keep you from losing it.
First, a short primer: Those numbers next to the teams on your bracket are the "seeds." The #1-seeds are the best teams in the tournament, the #16-seeds are the worst. So even if you haven't watched a basketball game all year, you've got as good an idea of how the teams rank as any ESPN expert.
Okay, here are your two tips:
1) Pick every #1 and #2 seed to win their first two games. These teams, facing far inferior competition, almost always win their first game, and usually win their second.
2) Don't pick any team seeded from #9-#16 past the second round. Such teams are underdogs from their first game onward, and if they lose that game, you'll miss out on a ton of points. Your chance of winning will be gone in the first 48 hours of a three-week tourney.
Beyond those two things, just have fun. We've long ago given up hope of accurately predicting what college athletes--who are between the ages of 18 and 22 and behave as predictably as you'd expect from that age group--will do, so we just pick the teams we want to win (within reason).
Here are a few teams Seattle folks might have reason to root for:
Washington: Their first-round game Thursday in Portland will finally settle the age-old question: Length or width? Mississippi St. features gangly, 6-9 shot blocker Jarvis Varnado. UW counters with 6-7, 255-lb. banger Jon Brockman.
Gonzaga: With three possible NBA draft picks on their roster, there's no reason why Spokane's Zags couldn't win the whole thing.
Louisville: The #1-seed Cardinals are led by former Rainier Beach star Terrence Williams [more on Williams from Sports Illustrated]. Could be the second straight year a Beach kid has been on an NCAA tourney team, Rodrick Stewart was part of last year's Kansas champions.
American University: These underdogs feature former Issaquah High star Garrison Carr [More on Carr from us in the P-I]. Last year, Carr had 26 points in a first-round loss to Tennessee; American was just three points down to Tennessee with under five minutes to go.
Arizona State: Reserve point guard Jamelle McMillan went to O'Dea, and his dad Nate starred on and later coached the Sonics.
Portland State: Just down I-5, and they're coached by former Husky assistant and Snohomish High product Ken Bone.
You might give these teams some love in your bracket, or you might just be a true Seattle liberal and fill out your bracket exactly the way President Obama did.
Or maybe you want to pick by cutest mascot, in which case you'll have the hometown team--our adorable Husky puppy mascot "Dubs" is the cutest in the tournament, according to Petside.com.
Seattlest David's mom has this strategy: Pick against all religious schools and schools from Texas.
I just heard of a girl who won a pool last year by choosing teams who had uniform colors that she liked.
You can't really go wrong, the fun comes once you've made your picks and find yourself passionately rooting for players and teams you'd never heard of before (and probably never will again).
The first-round games begin Thursday at 9 a.m., you'll have to have your picks in by then. If by some miracle you haven't been asked to join an NCAA tourney pool yet, try ESPN's NCAA Tournament Challenge, which has some big cash prize.

Tuesdays are Muppet Days


David's mom is going to have a hard time between Texas A&M and BYU. I'd go A&M.
If Gonzaga wins two games I will be shocked.
Mark Few's last couple of Tourney appearances ended prematurely.
This post was too late-- had to get my bracket in early. I'm screwed now. I can only hope Gonzaga goes far. People who live in Spokane need something to cling to.