Zoo's Shit Hits a Ban

No Zoo Doo this spring! Woodland Park Zoo just notified us that their highly popular Fecal Fest Zoo Doo lottery--which brings that "fresh Zoo smell" to your backyards and P-Patches--has been canceled for spring because of a shortage of safely Grade-A poop. Turns out there are "unacceptable levels of the herbicide clopyralid" in the Zoo's doo--the herbicide is used on hay and wheat fields, doesn't break down easily, and now that it's stored in the animal manure, would likely wreak havoc on gardeners' pea, sunflower and tomato crops. Is that all? "In laboratory tests, clopyralid caused what a U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) reviewer called 'substantial' reproductive problems," says Mindfully.org. Circle of goddamn life people! Used on wheat fields, eh? What's in your poop? (Strictly a rhetorical question.)