Airport Laser Shiners No Mystery

We’re pretty sure it isn’t Al Qaeda shining lasers into the cockpits of planes frequenting SeaTac’s airspace. If we were the probable culprits, two idiot fourteen-year-olds living near the runways, we’d be keeping a low profile, because everybody living in Patriot Act America should know that shit is a federal crime. Can you imagine some kid from Seatac in a faded Eminem t-shirt being shipped of to Guantanamo for pissing off a Jet Blue captain on a run to Vegas? Not worth it. Lasers should be limited to scientific uses and trippy concert drug montages--not sinister annoyances. Exceptions can be made for entertaining house cats and tormenting the occasional Belltown sidewalk drunks from the relative safety of your fifth-floor apartment but that’s it. Anything else is completely juvenile.