This fall we are combining our love of the football and our dream of learning to cook by preparing a meal from the city of the Seahawks' opponent.
Seahawks vs. Ham with Glaze Preview
Finding a ham this time of year is like finding a national story on how pathetic Seattle sports teams are.
Speaking of which, (not to brag but) we were at a bar on Friday night, and as we often do, we kept one eye on the sports match, while whoever we were talking to was telling us about something (ZZZZZZZ).
In this case, the game was the Hornets vs. the Thundercats, two teams that don’t play in Seattle. ESPN took this opportunity to show a video montage of how all our teams are taking it in the David Stern these days. Oh, and to cap it off, they threw up a graphic about how Starbucks is closing 6,000 stores, meaning Seattle folks are losing their jobs.
Thanks for that extra "fuck you" there, ESPN.
Let us repeat that, there was not a Seattle team involved in the game. Oklahoma City is not Seattle.
A more fitting video montage would be Oklahoma City fans booing their 13-game-old team, or P.J. Carlesimo getting fired, or Aubrey McClendon losing a ton of cash.
Douchebags.
Sorry, getting back to our original point, which is that finding a ham in the stores these days is like finding a methed-out, hardcore-bestiality-snuff-film-addicted child in the Bristol School District. They are overflowing from aisle to aisle.
However, these hams are huge. We are preparing to stuff our face from Thursday through Sunday. We didn’t need that much ham the weekend before, no matter how festive the red foil.
We went with a much smaller three-pounder.
There really wasn’t a recipe that we stuck to, rather using the guidelines from this Virginia Tech website (oh, and still funny). First, our ham spent all night soaking in water. Then we filled a roasting pan with some more water and the ham went into the oven.
Every ten minutes we would baste the ham with the water and drippings; it was all very sensual.
For every pound of ham, it has to be baked at 325 degrees for twenty minutes, so three pounds times twenty minutes equals 600 minutes.
Finally, it was time to add the glaze.
Now in honor of the Apple Cup, we decided to go with an apple-based glaze that Tyrone Willingham would then knock on the floor 31 seconds before it was done.
Again, we kind of made it up as we went along, which is easy to do with such a simple dish. We were told that for every cup of liquid we should use another cup of sugar. So, two cups of apple juice and two cups of brown sugar went into a pot, and simmered on the stove for about an hour.
Y’know, a pinch of cinnamon may have been awesome. Nuts.
Once our glaze was done, we dumped most of it on our ham, and placed it back into the oven for ten more minutes at 375 degrees.
Our guidelines said that the center of the ham should be a balmy 140 degrees, however, one of our guests pointed out that the baking thermometer said that ham should be 170 degrees.
Now, usually if there is a discrepancy like that, we just ignore the problem and move on. However, this time since we were called on it, we had to stick it back in the oven for another twenty minutes.
Fine, 170 degrees. Everyone happy?
Once our ham was safe to eat, we were delighted that the glaze had covered our salty ham with a sticky sweet flavor. The extra glaze was poured on the sliced ham like syrup.
Tasty, enough to make us forgive ESPN, and so good that if ESPN’s Mike Tirico knew you were making it for dinner he would probably sit outside your house until you offered him some. Oh, we haven’t forgotten about what you said to us back in '95, Tiricio.
NEXT WEEK: Seahawks @ Thanksgiving Dinner, 1:15pm

Tuesdays are Muppet Days


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