If We Told You...

...on September 12, 2001, that the next President of the United States would be a guy named Barack Hussein Obama, you would have thought we were insane, even as you purchased another crate of duct tape.

Last night was incredible. Our voice is sore, our head is pounding, and we are looking forward to doing a little more celebrating tonight.

Here was the scene inside the Showbox when Obama was declared the winner at 8 p.m.

Enjoy it, but don’t forget to hide your guns, oh, and don’t fall asleep. Nighttime is when they come into your house, force you to marry gay dudes, and convert to you a secret Muslim.