The Easiest Job in Town

"Lazy Afternoon at Bumbershoot," by Seattlest Flickr contributor faeanna

We are lazy. While people around us are scurrying up the metaphorical corporate ladder, we sit here in our little corner of Seattlest HQ pining away about the good old days back in college when we scored that blissfully underwhelming job counting all the parking spaces on campus. Best part? We were given three months to complete our slovenly task. Pure procrastinated perfection.

Realistically, though, the best we could hope for these days would be bridge tender at the Montlake Bridge. We think we could handle a job whose main responsibilities appear to be flipping a switch every hour or so, with the added benefit of ogling coeds all day. Some other slacker told us they have a hammock up there in that tower. We've wanted that job for years, but never got around to applying for it.

But this week, we think we've found a role that requires the least effort of all: the University of Washington punt returner. In the seven games played, the Huskies have returned a grand total of only four punts. All season. Got your attention fellow lazies? Well, it gets better. In those four punt returns, the Huskies have gained a slackerish 22 yards.

Put another way, if you stood on the sideline, jogged out to the first set of hashmarks, then laid down forward and assumed a fetal position on the FieldTurf and took a little nap, you would have traveled the same distance as Husky punt returners this season.

Don't fret Dawg fans. The Huskies share the inglory of having the nation's lowest punt return total with one other school. Yup. You guessed it. The Mean Green of North Texas. Now those guys are too good at being bad. They are bad at everything.

If only we could muster enough energy to check out the whole college eligibility thing, we'd be totally down with that punt returner gig. Maybe next week.