It's National Punctuation Day! In honor of this highly anticipated national holiday, Seattlest will be utilizing every form of punctuation we know...ready? Punctuation is an integral part of our society; it is so often misused. You may be saying to yourself, "Self—seriously—why do you so frequently over-use punctuation?" We'd like to remind you that you're not alone. Everyone misuses it, places commas in the wrong place, and occasionally throws in a second or third exclamation point (as if that'll drive their point home more). Then there are the bastardizations of punctuation that have become so very common in our online world: the punctuation smileys. You know what we're talking about :P :) :S
O! by Seattlest's own James Callan

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Awesome. Though I would quibble with your use of parentheses (A form of punctuation that I love.) above. I'm not entirely convinced that it is a parenthetical reference since it has a close and logical reference to the rest of the statement.
Twenty points for the menstruation reference!
Props for the dashes, but what's with the straight quotes? …and where are our friends the ellipsis, ampersand, &c.?
I feel some English student is probably crapping his or her pants right now thinking of all the things he or she could comment.