Seattle is Home to Broken Sports and Tortured Fans

The chronically East Coast-focused ESPN crowned Cleveland the most tortured fan base in all of sports last year, before the collective treachery and vindictiveness of the unholy Schultz-to-Bennett takeover cost us our oldest franchise. With the advent of this past weekend's debacle in Buffalo, it’s time for Cleveland to step aside. There’s a new redheaded stepchild on the professional sporting block and its name is Seattle.
Now that O’Dea High School alumni Nate Burleson, the only accomplished wide receiver threat on the Seahawks, is out for the season—after just one game—it's become painfully clear that Seattle is now officially the most tortured fan base in all of sports.
The Mariners are atrocious. We have to read message boards where ethically indifferent Oklahomans taunt us with news of the bastardized Sonics moving. There's the doormat status of our Pac 10 schools and now this. The only thing outside the Storm that Seattle fans had to count on took a serious steps towards pathetic when Nate went down this past weekend with a season-ending injury.
Nate’s knee joins Bobby Engram’s shoulder and Deon Branch’s knee on the list of depleted Seahawk WR appendages—a dubious distinction giving Seattle by far the thinnest wide receiver core in the NFL. The Hawks are left with a bunch of former practice squad players and a handful of rookies who are going to have to find ways to avoid looking as bad as they did last weekend in Buffalo.
Seattle’s need for something positive to rally behind couldn’t be more pressing. We need a winner. Nate’s knee has taken on epic proportions. What started as a really bad year just became a horrible, sick joke.
Cleveland can complain about Elway costing them the Super Bowl. Big deal. How about the refs costing you the actual game once you got there? Cleveland can claim their team was stolen. So what? Ours was stolen, only we haven’t got them back yet. What have you got on that, Cleveland? That’s what we thought.
Of course, this means Seattle is cursed. Maybe it’s all the godless liberals. Maybe God makes it up to us in the form of an enduring music scene. Either way, this autumn got a lot tougher to stomach and we have every right to whine. Congratulations Seattle, we’re the new Torture Town, USA. Now that’s something to brag about.
Photograph courtesy of SeattleScott69 from the Seattlest Flickr Pool
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