Big Things...
Hailing from more subtle topography, we're quite familiar with contradictory claims of cosmology and vaguely defensible claims of capital-ity. In the folly of our youth, we may have thought that when one's town or region is naturally endowed with big things, there is no need to boast or to construct big kitschy things to compensate for a lack of overt interestingness.
Well... perhaps that's not true at all. The other day in Seattlest HQ, this eBay item, pictured above, floated across our transom. Impressive it is with it's 23 foot height, 50 foot circumference, and 25,000 pound mass. We still think it's got nothing on the metaphysical implications of the meta-lemon but that's just a personal preference. What we do know is that a cake of that size would require a not insignificant amount of diary products.
Despite its obvious Seattle connection, though, alert readers will notice that the postcard is currently located in Glendive, Montana. As luck would have it, we found ourselves passing through that very town a few weeks ago. And when we were not trying to work through the theology and physics of dueling centers of the universe, we were on the road discovering all sorts of abnormally large representations of things.
More pictures of the mapped items follow the cut...
Here is a large coin in Wallace, Idaho. While it is certainly not Sudbury's Big Nickel it is relatively huge compared to an actual coin. Moreover, we must respect Wallace's place as the "Silver Capital of the World" and its disputed claim of universal centrality. But this is just a warm-up for better things to come. (how many other blogs in town visually fluff you like this, dear Reader?)
The (faux) cattle starts getting larger the deeper into the Plains one heads. Here we are in Miles City, a charming little town near the aforementioned Glendive. In Montana, nearby can mean 80 miles.
Now, no matter which way one parses it, the phrase "Cowboy Mounted Shooting" sounds a little dirty. As city folk, we don't understand; maybe Kristy Lee Cook can explain it to us.
Proceeding south from the interstate near Gladstone, North Dakota down to Regent, there are a series of giant metal sculptures created by artist Gary Greff. This is the Enchanted Highway. The first piece, of geese in flight, is located right near the interstate.
Pictures don't do this one justice. We suppose that one has to be standing in front of it, with the wind blowing across the vast, surrounding, rolling hills and into your face to truly appreciate it. This, as well as much of the Great Plains and Midwest, is truly "big sky country". Parts of eastern Washington have big sky, of course, where one begins to feel the immensity of the sky and land. And of course, Montana boasts that it is Big Sky Country with capital letters. We don't believe you, Montana. North Dakota and the subtler (flatter) terrains further east have much bigger sky.
Salem Sue is the World's Largest Holstein Cow [Statue]. She has a commanding view over the interstate commerce before her as she looks north toward Canada, perhaps yearning for Socialized Dairy. It may be hard to gauge exactly how big ol' Sue is, so we threw ourselves into the picture for scale.
Sue was definitely the star of the big roadside attractions, from siting to construction to anatomic realism. The World's Largest Buffalo [Statue] pales in comparison, though his sculpted dangly bits were not entirely unimpressive. Still, this old, unnamed as far as we know, boy was constructed longer ago when advances in roadside kitsch technology were nowhere near the advanced level they are at today.
Of course, some of these wondrous things lose a little bit of their boasted luster because they are only the world's largest representations of various animals. Still, though, as sculptures they are pretty impressive, especially Salem Sue with the graphic veins on her udders. And given that mummified remains of the actual largest animals might be too gruesome for some, and that they would be nowhere as ostentatious as ridiculously large fake ones, we'll take the entertaining kitschy versions.
Besides, who wouldn't want to wander up to a statue of a giant Seaman, Lewis & Clark's lovable Newfie?
Heading east out of Seattle, we knew that we would be traversing much of the Missouri River's immense spiritual and historic basin. Most of the time, we didn't consciously register that we would be crossing much of Lewis & Clark's legacy. It wasn't until we pulled off the interstate, drove down some isolated two-lanes, pondered Garrison Dam and the River, and ventured onto the Fort Mandan site that it all hit us.
What's more, this cutesy statue of a dog near Washburn, North Dakota represented the same dog we've seen inthis statue nearly 1500 miles away in Seaside, Oregon. As it turns out, these two distant places are not the only ones where you'll find old Seaman. For now, however, having taken you all the way out to the middle of North Dakota, we'll at least bring you back to the Oregon Coast. You'll have to find your own way back to Seattle.
