Interior: A mysterious downtown Seattle condo known only as "Seattlest HQ."
Characters: A mysterious blond woman slightly cuter than Brigitte Bardot (to be referred to as Femme Seattlest-Hater) and a mysterious man not quite as cute as Michel Piccoli wearing nothing but a towel and black socks (to be known as Homme Seattlest-Hater). Cue that awful Contempt theme music, whatever it's called, that plays over and over again throughout the movie.

Homme Seattlest-Hater: What is a Brechtian deconstruction? What is its nature? What does it meeeeaaan?

Femme Seattlest-Hater: I despise you and I despise this movie.

Homme: But why? There must be a reason.

Femme: There must be. Do you think I have a cute ass? More importantly, do you think this ridonkulous trailer is better or worse than the actual film?

Homme: [Grabs art portfolio book from Ms. Seattlest, whacks her in the ass with it.]

Femme: [Kicks Mr. Seattlest in the nuts.] The only thing I like about this movie is Jack Palance playing a brusque American douchebag. If only he had done a couple one-armed push-ups.

Homme: You think THAT'S bad!? Wait till you see him reprise this role in the form of arch-villain Zoltan in Hawk the Slayer!

Femme: Was that film also directed by Godard? Regardless, I'm pretty sure I would despise that movie too. Perhaps for a good reason, perhaps not. Such is life.

Homme: Perhaps you would have enjoyed this more had we played the commentary track by executive producer Mr. Mackey: "Uh, relations between men and women are bad, mmm'kay?"

Femme: Whatever, I'm off to sulk while sunbathing in the nude. Have you seen my wig?

8 p.m. // Through Thursday, August 14th // SIFF Cinema // 321 Mercer // $10 GA