July 30, 2008
Seattlest Recommends Live Ammo Seafair
You can tell it's Seafair when your pets are trembling under the coffee table. Nothing signifies the dog days of summer in Seattle like the roar of a defanged F-18 driving your dog to piss himself.
Combined with the Navy sending a sampling of its Pacific Fleet into Elliott Bay this week, Seafair isn’t so much a summer celebration as it is a friendly flexing of our military might.
Since the Seattle area may be the most lethally capable region in the country (Naval Base Bangor is said to have the largest nuclear arsenal in the United States, and that’s not even counting the muscle at Bremerton, Everett, Whidbey, and Fort Lewis), we’re already familiar with our military neighbors
Seattlest grew up with Seafair’s military show of force and only wishes the demonstrations could be spiced up with some newer, "fan-friendly" improvements to expand on the current dog and pony show.
For instance, instead of the Blue Angels doing their traditional fly-bys and loopty-loos, we’d like to see what those jets are really built for.
What’s so crazy about lining up a bunch of decommissioned ferries on Elliott Bay and having the Angels launch missiles into them, giving fans not only a special treat but a glimpse into what kind of hell our tax dollars are capable of reaping? It would be impressive and daunting--think of it as Seafair on Sparks.
The Angels could expand their routine, we could put the fireworks back into national pride, finally rid Puget Sound of the Kalakala, and give the scuba divers off Alki some new stuff to check out on the floor of the bay. Everybody wins.
Photograph courtesy of Jeanine Anderson from the Seattlest Flickr Pool
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That would be so awesome to see some gratuitious destruction. It would be like our very own action movie.
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Maybe the city would throw in those decommissioned pay toilets.
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Please call in tomorrow and suggest this. Hell, forget suggest. Announce that it is happening. Happening in 3... 2... 1... please!
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I say go for it.
Hell--let's get rid of the Viaduct this way!
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I hope you're planning on calling in, John! I'm sure The Commentators would appreciate it, and you could even throw something in about Belltown hookers.
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A few years back I was working in the Death Star looking out over the central district towards the lake. On Friday, as the 'Angels' were practicing, a major fire broke out in a house, which then spread to the house next door. With the jets swooping low and the smoke billowing from the houses, it did look like they'd opened fire. And I thought to myself, I really hope I never have to see that really happen.
But I like the viaduct suggestion.
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Fantastic idea.
I have to confess-- I loathe SeaFair. Hate the Blue Angels, which, yes, send my already skittish cat into conniptions. Hate thinking about how much money is being spent on these gratuitous displays. Will never understand hydroracing--it's like NASCAR but makes even less sense. The whole affair is a throwback to the 1950s. (No, I'm not a Seattle native. Would that help me get it?)
I want to see Microsoft counter, maybe in the winter, with a three month long celebration and a parade. Hey, you could even have software pirates landing on the shores of Medina!
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Seafair sucks. In past years, I've dealt with the jets and the pirates, etc. as a "must be fun for someone" diversion. This year, I've already seen a fireengine full of clowns, I've seen warships "pretend" to open fire on a major seaport (it didn't FEEL like pretend when the run for cover notion kicked in), and I've heard those god forsaken blue airplanes buzzing my office all day, and it hasn't even officially begun.
Seafair should have just been merged into July 4th when its sponsor, Seafirst Bank, was merged into Bank of America.
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Really. This live ammo idea is the only way to make Seafair remotely tolerable.
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Abbey, I LOVE the viaduct idea!
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let's make "Bomb the Viaduct" shirts Charles, with Blue Angels iron-ons somewhere on the shirt too.
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The Whiners are nuts! Nothing sucks about drinking beer in the sun at a party watching the planes fly over.
Nothing else to get than that. An excuse to drink well, eat well and enjoy some sun before it goes away.
I can't really see how someone can loath that. (live ammo would be fun too!)
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Hah! That is a GREAT idea!!!
-= Bop
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The KVI dorks liked the ammo idea -- but I can't believe you didn't drop the Seattlest URL, John. The on-demand version isn't live yet but it's worth a listen just to hear John deadpan the delivery. Well done.
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I would have gone off on everything Seafair that needs a shot in the arm but they cut me off so I'll have to save my rant for a rainy day.