Starbucks Gives Seattle the Banana

As Seattlest predicted back in April (not by reading salmon entrails but by perusing the Wall Street Journal), Starbucks has unveiled a line of non-coffee drinks. In business-speak, it's a new "beverage platform," and its name is Vivanno Nourishing Blends. Comes in Orange-MangoBanana or Banana Chocolate.

Viv--okay if we call you Viv? The baristas blend you to order, starting with a whole banana. So sexy, peeling a banana. Then comes milk (choice of whole, two-percent, skim). So far so good. Bittersweet cocoa for the chocolate flavor, juice from Naked Juice for the mango, and "Starbucks proprietary whey protein and fiber powder." Customizing's easy: a shot of Matcha Green Tea for the mango turns it green; a shot of espresso turns chocolate blend into a sort of tiramisù.

Sure, you don't have any artificial sweeteners, no high-fructose corn syrups, and you're only hitting us up for 250 calories and 5 grams of fat while giving us 21 grams of protein. But it's that whey protein powder that really gets us. That virtually lactose-free isolate you somehow whip up from mozzarella. You're a piece of work, Viv, a real piece of work.