Sound Transit's Nose Found To Be Clean

The great folks at Seattle Transit Blog tipped us to this month's yet another audit conducted on Sound Transit. Independent auditor KPMG LLP gave the agency high marks. Since the corrupt private sector is naturally suspect, we're glad that this week's audit comes on the heels of a previous one released in January by State Auditor Brian Sonntag.

But fear not, Eyman. As the Seattle PI reported back in May, the State is planning to spend another $1 million to audit the agency again. Some things they are looking for this time:

• how well the agency manages its finances, how it estimates future revenue
• whether its publicly disseminated financial information can be understood and is useful
• what techniques employees use to cover their mouths when they sneeze and whether they are effective in preventing the spread of airborne pathogens
• whether the agency is doing enough to prevent employees from abusing their coffee breaks
• do employees wash their hands before returning to work after leaving the restroom.
• does Bob play his music too loudly?

Disgruntled, transit-phillic lefties, of course, wonder whether all of this is a waste of money. Sound Transit, on the other hand, welcomes the scrutiny—probably about as much as petty officials welcomed a Stalinist purge. Sound Transit CEO Joni Earl said in January, “we wholeheartedly embrace independent scrutiny of how we conduct the public’s business." We ran that statement through our cow-chip-powered Universal Translatorator to get: quit looking over our shoulders every minute and let us do our fucking jobs.

Not that any of this will assuage watchdogs from continuing to abuse that tedious word boondoggle anytime Sound Transit is mentioned. We are, therefore, banning the word from public discourse. Not only will anyone found using it be duly slapped on the back of the head, but we will board a northbound Sounder to Mukilteo and clock the watch salesman himself for every infraction. In the meantime, we will plan conducting our own biased, independent audit into whether Mr. Eyman is still a horse's ass.

photo: Andrew Martin, Seattlest Flickr pool