Abandoned Minivan a Disgrace to Nirvana

Some asshole’s broken-down Dodge Caravan is making Nirvana look bad. The decrepit piece of shit has been rusting like a cheap can in front of a hotel on Bell Street for the better part of two months, the lone Nirvana sticker on the back window convincing tourists only poor people and scumbags listen to Nirvana around here anymore.

Normally we’d expect a Megadeth sticker from this type of vehicle, but to soil Nirvana’s good name in Seattle is unholy. It’s an affront to the marriage of music and regional greatness that solidifies Seattle’s status as the true home of Rock 'N' Roll. (Cleveland claims an increasingly outdated 1980s-looking spaceship that calls itself the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame but we all know better.)

The emos (posers) don't keep moving here for the suicides and shitty traffic, they move here hoping that something in the water will make their shit edgier than the next guys.

Unfortunately, some of these clowns end up turning their backs on Nirvana and let their flakiness rub off obnoxiously on the rest of us in the form broken Dodge Caravans. What was once a proud party-mobile screaming, "Look at me, I love Nirvana," is now a sad funeral of rust, soiling the good name of our proud sons and polluting the concrete beauty of downtown.