Not all wounds heal quickly, as evidenced by allegations from a Pittsburgh Steelers fan who claims a fast-food-working Seahawks fan spit in his burger this week.

Seattlest has three problems with this story:

First of all, everybody who has ever worked in the restaurant business knows you don’t spit on top of the burger, you lift the bun and spit directly on the burger then conceal the treachery under the bun by placing it back in its rightful position. Only an idiot from Pittsburgh wouldn’t understand how the whole spit-in-a-burger routine works, and then lie about it.

Secondly, Pittsburgh was given the Super Bowl on a silver platter by the refs, none of their fans have any right to brag, much less engage any Seahawks fan about their supposed "victory." Some spit in a burger is a small price to pay for stealing a national championship from a city starved of them that had never been to the Super Bowl before.

Lastly, the "fan" was dressed in Steelers garb in Port Orchard, Wash. Not Port Orchard, Penn., mind you. He’s lucky he wasn’t disemboweled. You don’t go to Iran wearing American flag shirts and you don’t go to Seahawks territory talking up some out-of-state team that just so happens to have stolen the Super Bowl from you only two years before.

Nothing’s worse than the guy who wears the Yankees or Red Sox jersey just because they know a bandwagon when they see one. If this front running victim is in fact not associated with Pittsburgh in any legitimate way, i.e., born there or lived there for the majority of his life, then he should immediately be exiled from Washington State so we don’t have to tolerate his obnoxious antics, and so he can remain free from the justified threat of spit in his next meal.

Photograph of Fast Food by Flickr user Christopher Stumm. The Fast Food joint in the article is not a Dicks.