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March 14, 2008

Whore Dolls: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

bratz.JPG

Now that whoredom is all over the news, won't somebody think of the children?

On Saturday, April 19th at 10am local time in select movie theaters nationwide, the highly popular BRATZ dolls star in their first animated musical BRATZ: Girlz Really Rock, featuring 8 new songs and a new character in a one-day special event.

BRATZ: Girlz Really Rock shows girls that winning sometimes isn’t everything. Although the Bratz get wrapped up in the competitive culture of camp, they soon realize friendship is more important than winning and decide to perform in the talent contest as a unified band. Anna, the new Bratz character, makes her debut in this theatrical event as the talented ballet dancer who befriends the Bratz and dances to an original Bratz song.

In case you haven't heard, Bratz are tarted-up dolls that started selling themselves on toy shelves in 2001. Since then, they've put out more than 150 million dolls to date, dethroning Barbie as the annual top-selling destructive role model for little girls. Of course, the phenomenon doesn't stop there; there's other toys, books, clothing, a cartoon series, and a live-action film, for which there is only one existing positive review. The good people at Pajiba describe your 8-10 year-old daughter's prototype of modern womanhood thusly:

These dolls, which are encased within shiny pink boxes brandished with the slogan "girls with a passion for fashion," are hunks of plastic dressed in tight, skimpy clothing and accessorized with voluminous hair, cell phones, and daddy’s credit cards. The Bratz dolls also have massive heads with oversized and heavily made-up eyes and lips, and pert little noses of the type only created by Dr. 90210. When you add their impossibly tiny waists and disturbingly voluptuous hips and busts into the picture, you’re left with a very lovely tranny prostitute.

Anyways, it's coming out on DVD this fall, but for that one day next month, BRATZ: Girlz Really Rock appears on the big screen in high-def in nearly 400 participating theaters. Locally, the movie will show at Pacific Place, Marysville Cinema 14, Longston Place Stadium 14 in Puyallup, Everett Mall 16, Martin Village 16 in Lacey, Auburn Stadium 17 Theatres, and Lakewood Cinema Stadium 15. Tickets are available at theater box offices and online at Fathom Events. Short skirts, cat-eye surgery, and future eating disorders not included in price of admission.

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Seattlest field trip, guys!

 
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