Magnolia Residents Take a Nibble Out of Crime

The Seattle Weekly's Rick Anderson pointed us to what may be the greatest unintentional comedy festival in Internet history.

Following a series of nearly thirty break-ins, Magnolia residents have turned to the internets to catch the burgular, through a series of extremely misguided tips.

—We had a young white male with a green hooded sweatshirt knock on our door and ask if we would like to sign up for evironmental action support. He walks with a noticeable limp. It seemed really suspicious...I reported this to 911.

—[A]round 8:15 pm someone knocked on our door while we were watching American Idol. We weren't expecting anyone and didn't want to be disturbed so we didn't answer and they went away… What do you think they are jotting down after the rest of you have opened up the door?Clues on how to break in?

—This is precisely why we all need to vote Republican. We need to be able to defend ourselves. The barbarians are at the gates people.

—Has anyone considered taking matters into out own hands and organizing some sort of patrols? If we can't count on those bureaucrats to protect us then it seems the burden falls to us.

(Then there is this one that we have edited in a completely unfair and inethical manner:)

—We had a young black female come to our house tonight at 8:30…My 10 year old proceeded to turn on our alarm immediately!

(Sorry about that, we couldn't help ourselves.)

Outcry over pampered bureaucrats, vigilante patrols, nighttime calls to 911, what is going on in our beloved Magnolia?

Please tell us there's a town hall meeting planned for Magnolia residents to air these "grievances." We can't wait to see if the cops keep a straight face.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@seattlest.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By David in News on January 24, 2008 1:00 PM

Comments [rss]

MagnoliaCitizen

I'm really surprised at the crass and intentionally rude nature of all of these responses. As a single female who recently suffered an attempted break-in, I can say that all sorts of thoughts run through your head because you just don't know. Every time a motion detector light goes on outside my heart races. It's natural. I cannot understand mocking these people. And since nothing is known about the perpretrator, who are you people to say what is or is not a paranoid assumption? It's a basic tenet of criminal law (and I say that as a lawyer) that people who want to steal property come during the day and people that want to hurt other people come at night. I'm not prone to histrionics, but this is an extremely serious situation.

z33bleoop

—[A]round 8:15 pm someone knocked on our door while we were watching American Idol. We weren't expecting anyone and didn't want to be disturbed

in other words: too fat, ignorant and lazy to peel themselves from in front of the tv, answer the door and interact with society.

herbisara

Oh! And talk about tying up 911 operators for NON-emergencies. Jesus H. Christ.

herbisara

I am embarrassed to be a resident of Magnolia after reading some of those posts!

I think there's already been a town hall meeting.

A little scary, the way the residents are behaving! I feel sorry for anyone drivin' a white van through the hood.

morecowbell

"We weren't expecting anyone and didn't want to be disturbed so we didn't answer and they went away… "

It was probably their neighbor trying to organize a neighborhood watch. WTF, people. Grow up and answer your door. If you're that paranoid, answer holding a baseball bat, wine bottle, power drill...your choice of blunt weapon.