Presidential Round Table Discussion

We have gathered some of the top political writers in the country and asked them to discuss the presidential race throughout the year. We’ll be starting with a preview of tonight’s Iowa Caucus.

Seattlest: What are your thoughts on the upcoming Iowa caucus?

Ryan (New York Times): Please, talking about the Iowa caucus is so last summer.

Luke (Washington Post): I'm just glad that some "weeding out" is going to happen, so I don't have to listen to the same rhetoric get phrased 10 different ways.

Luke: Is it too late to go public with my Dennis Kucinich sex tape?

Ryan: A sex tape could be the only thing that gets Kucinich out of the single digits, I mean, have you seen his wife?

Luke: Yeah, but she's not in the tape. On the tape, it's just me and him.

Tom (Wall Street Journal): There's an election?

Luke: I say Huckabee wins; Romney loses his mind and has to be forcibly removed from the state never to be heard from again. Hilary crushes Obama. McCain gets into a fistfight with an Indian on national TV, Kucinich and his wife make out in front of the media to prove that they're really married a la the Michael Jackson/Presley kiss. Fred Thompson sues Iowa in a 2009 episode of "Law and Order" for election fraud. John Edwards and John Cougar "Little Pink Houses" Mellencamp elope. Bill Clinton kills a kid for not sharing a box of Junior Mints. Ron Paul discovers and foils a coup perpetrated by a band of roving vampires and endears himself to the American public as..."The Slayer."

John (Los Angeles Times): Obama...Clinton...I can't call that one. I'm secretly hoping for the Ron Paul upset though.

Ryan: We're all hoping for that, but unfortunately Mr. Paul just may not be slimy enough to win the GOP nomination. He needs to take a lesson from good old Mitt. By the way, "Mitt"? Really? That's what you want people to call you? Quit trying to be cool by using your middle name, Willard.

Mark (Chicago Tribune): I'm surprised old Mittens hasn't picked up on Ron Paul's signature issue. The gold standard!!! It worked for McKinley!

Tom: There's an election?

Mark: If Ron Paul gets less than 5% in Iowa he's going to need to abort his candidacy early. Oh wait, he doesn't believe in abortion. Maybe Huckabee's supporters can notify his parents and have him go to counseling to save the life of his tiny little campaign.

John: I swear to god, if Giuliani...naw, I'm not even gonna say it.

Mark: They should add a labyrinth with trolls and David Bowie around caucus sights, that would weed out some of the older voters. Maybe even attract some younger voters. If John starts killing hobos again, Giuliani might hire him as Attorney General.

Luke: Does it bother anyone that national sentiment is perpetuated by no more than 150,000 people in Iowa? Iowa? I've been to Iowa. If biscuits and gravy were on the ballot they'd win by a LANDSLIDE.

Mark: Biscuits and Gravy hired an illegal alien to mow their lawn; Romney already destroyed them in an attack ad.

Luke: "Biscuits and Gravy seem like a good idea . . . but did you know they secretly operated an illegal slave labor camp out of their home for over 10 years? Romney '08, I'm not crazy."

Jeff (Politico.com): Paid for by Gravy Boat Veterans for Truth

Luke: And Two-Girls-And-A-Cup For President in 2008.

Seattlest: Thanks, fellas.

You can watch national coverage of the Iowa caucus on CNN (channel 44 on Comcast), CSPAN (24) and MSNBC (47).

Local reporters Eli Sanders of The Stranger and Joel Connelly of the Seattle P-I are also on the scene. See Sanders' coverage on Slog, Connelly's on his P-I staff blog.

Washington voters will get their own chance to caucus February 9th.