Seahawks (9-5) vs. Cooking (A Pizza-and-Beer Gathering)

This fall we are combining our love of the football and our dream of learning to cook. On Sunday morning, following a trip to a local farmer’s market/major supermarket chain, we will be preparing a meal from the city of the Seahawks opponent. Then at halftime we will throw our badly burned hands in the air and make hot dogs.

The obvious choice for Baltimore would have been crab cakes. They are plucked fresh from Chesapeake Bay every morning and served fresh right on the corner. However, we don’t like seafood.

We are the world’s pickiest eater, and of all the foods we can’t stand (eggs, beans, mushrooms, etc.), not liking seafood kills us the most.

It also kills other people. Every time someone is joyfully devouring Rock River Copper Headed Salmon and finds out about our defective taste buds they first look at us like we’ve just admitted to preferring the company of pedophiles. Then they insist that we try a bite of their meal because, “It tastes nothing like seafood.”

Apparently there is no seafood out there that tastes like seafood, because no one has ever told us, “Then you won’t like this because it tastes like seafood,” AND THEN LEFT US THE FUCK ALONE TO ENJOY OUR GODDAMN LUNCHABLES!

Sorry about that. [Ahem]

So instead of making crab cakes we are going to pay tribute to a returning hero, Mr. Rick Neuheisel, now the Baltimore Ravens' offensive coordinator. As has been brought up in the press this week, Neuheisel got shit-canned at U-Dub, after being a total sleaze.

The University pinned it on his participation in a high stakes college basketball pool. He claimed it was nothing, just a few neighbors getting together for a simple “pizza-and-beer gathering.”

We’re going make some pizza dough, some barbeque sauce, and then add a bunch of the foods we do like; chicken, cilantro, red onions, and pineapple. We hope our guests like it, and if they don’t, well, we won’t pressure them at all…even though it tastes just like their favorite food-- come on just one bite.

We'll report back on Monday, and if you think you're so fucking great why not try and make the stuff as well. Then we can all compare notes as the kitchen staff at Anthony’s stares at us disapprovingly.

Recipie for Pizza Dough
RecipeS for Barbeque Sauce