We Review: Whistle Down the Wind @ the 5th Avenue

In Whistle Down the Wind, a girl discovers a long-haired fugitive in her barn and asks him who he is. "Jesus Christ," he exclaims. He means it as an expletive, but she takes it literally. Hijinks ensue.

This is such a flimsy premise that it sours the whole musical at the start.

We were reminded of a fictional exchange between musical theater pioneers W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan in Mike Leigh's fantastic dual biopic/musical Topsy-Turvy.

In the exchange, based on a real dispute between the partners, composer Sullivan is annoyed that so many of Gilbert's scripts involve a character transformed by taking a magic potion--a theatrical device, says Sullivan, "which I continue to find utterly contrived."

Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.

Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.

Gilbert: If you wish to write a grand opera about a prostitute dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr. lbsen in Oslo. I'm sure he can furnish you with something suitably dull.

Here we're on Sullivan's side. Sure, theater itself is contrivance, but there is a point at which contrivance reaches absurdity. Whistle Down the Wind hits that point from the start.

Perhaps the cliched nature of the performance stems from this absurdity. Here are actual lines of dialogue spoken during the second act:

"I'm gonna make you wish you were never born."

"I realized something tonight."

"I'm scared of losing you."

It's practically impossible for us to believe that someone, somewhere, didn't think to rewrite that. Ugh.

"What about kids? They don't care about bad dialogue," asks Seattlest MvB. "My first thought was--it's for kids!" There are kids in the show, and there are definitely songs aimed at kids--"When Children Rule the World" for example--but I'm not convinced it's going to resonate with kids so much, especially since so much of the plot revolves around Jesus, which secularist Seattle kids probably won't even understand. Want something English that kids will like? Try the 1970s BBC show Bagpuss.

Whistle Down the Wind debuted in Washington, D.C. in 1996, in advance of an expected Broadway run. The reviews were negative, and the show never opened on Broadway. The play probably should've died there, but someone decided to revive it in London, where it did fairly well--probably because it's based on a popular English movie.

The current touring production is based on the English version. We wish it had stayed on the their side of the pond.