The Stuffing Making of a Quagmire

Is a new front opening up in the Culture Wars? Seattle school officials say no, but King 5's producers not-so-subtly imply yes.

"A letter from the Seattle School District is raising some eyebrows about Thanksgiving and how it should be handled in the classroom," writes King 5 News' Eric Wilkinson. "The letter tells school district staff that the holiday is seen by many Native Americans as a 'time of mourning.'"

Specifically, the letter cites this document, from a Native American advocacy organization in Berkley, CA, that seeks to debunk 15 Thanksgiving "myths" such as, "'The First Thanksgiving' occurred in 1621." Reality: That was just the first time the Pilgrims came over for dinner, so don't get all ahead of yourselves and try to steal our damn holiday.

Another myth: "Thanksgiving is a happy time." Seattle school-child parent Deb Bush took strong issue with that: "I don't think that's a myth at all. I think anything you are thankful for is great," she told Wilkinson. Because really, Trail of Tears: what's not to be happy about?

Down in Seattlest's newsroom, our intrepid contributors had a long and engaging discussion about this controversy before concluding it would be awesome if the district's Equity and Race team drove around in a '73 custom GMC van and would solve your race and equity problems for a nominal fee--if you can find them.

But really, what side are you supposed to take? Most Americans don't give a damn about their history; Thanksgiving's just another day off to sit around and gorge themselves--and this time with an excuse! They don't like their parents and don't know for-shit about their grandparents, let alone what some distant relation did in the 1630s, so why should they have to feel bad about it?

On the other hand, that "First" Thanksgiving back in 1621 was more or less the last time the Euro expats and the Native folk could sit down at a table together without one side having a hell of a lot of blood on their hands, and the other side having leaned up four empty chairs for every guest who showed up.

But the one side we really feel for is the teachers. After all, whether you're an angry parent railing against the PC police, or an activist fighting the white phallocentric power structure, the teacher is the one person everyone expects will manage to take the child in the classroom and turn he or she into a reasonable, rational adult who can move on and resolve all this kulturkampf some day to make a better future.

Yet when the two sides decide to duke it out over the Maginot Line, the teachers are stuck in the middle, sweating like a latter-day Belgium, just waiting to be roadkill left in one side or the other's blitzkrieg dust. So to all the teachers out there: enjoy your day off. You need it.