Alice in Chains’ former lead singer would be blowing out candles today had he not said yes, yes, yes to drugs. The Chains gang would likely still be making both crunchy (Dirt) and beautiful (Sap) music. Jerry Cantrell, who co-founded the band with Layne, probably would have written some lighter lyrics and cut his hair. Seattlest would have had the pleasure of seeing Alice in Chains—or the supergroup Mad Season—live.

Most notable of all resulting indecencies—if Layne were alive today, a reality TV flunky would NOT be headlining a Layne Staley Tribute & Benefit show in Seattle. (Saturday, August 25, Showbox Where It’s Always Been.)

As eternal optimists would have it, there is a silver lining. The late singer’s mother, Nancy McCallum, created the Layne Staley Fund after his death. The Fund, a registered non-profit, “uses donated funds and proceeds from the sale of merchandise and tribute revenues to support local chemical dependency facilities, drug education and outreach programs.” Bravo!

We’ve never heard DuVall try to channel Layne, or Daughtry try to sing anything, but reserve the right to a) hate when an inimitable artist is replaced and b) hate everything about the scourge that is American Idol. That said, we hope to catch the new AIC next time they’re in town, and bestow kudos upon those of you who’ll be mesmerized by Daughtry’s dome Saturday night. Thanks to you, somebody, hopefully, will put down that fucking needle.