Mascot Fury
Swear to God we’ve never seen a mascot more pissed off.
It was Saturday night and Seattlest had decided to check out the Mariners play the White Sox at Safeco Field. Eventually, the time came where Seattle could no longer resist the temptation of dropping $11 bucks on a bag of peanuts and a MGD, so we got up from our seats and headed down to the nearest food stand. Low and behold, Seattle runs into Mariner Moose who is taking photographs with some kids, after having made an appearance in the stands to give some free crap away to a lucky Mariners fan.
Anyway, Seattlest loses himself thinking about the idea of ballpark clam chowder amidst throngs of hungry baseball fans, when who irately trundles by us? None other than Mariner Moose! Weaving quickly and assertively through the crowd, Moose is carrying himself like he’s got a rival mascot’s ass to kick. Ahead of Seattlest, a young woman screams, “Moose!”, like she had never before seen her team’s mascot in the fake-furred flesh. Ecstatic as she may have been, the Moose met her excitement with a curtly dismissive hand gesture as he furiously passed by. After that, Mooseman delivers the ultimate diss to another fan: not even acknowledging a hopeful high five from a grandpa who had clumsily shuffled his armload of garlic fries and hot dogs to receive some mascot magic. Finally, the Moose reached the elevator and alternately began to pace in circles and impatiently hammer away at the lift button. We wanted to approach Moose to see what was bothering him, but in stead thought it better to keep moving lest we be clocked upside the head by a seven-foot antlered beast.
Seattlest knows Moose luh’da’keedz… but man, what was up with that? We likes to think that he was going to deliver a brutal end to Southpaw shit talking Ichiro, but our guess is some nine-year old probably kicked him in the moose nuts.
