Bellevue Dog Attack Injuries Observed at Westport

Taking a break from trying to surf the flaccid waters at Westport on Saturday, a team of Seattlest agents mingled around the parking lot where they met a man from Bellevue who was the victim of a random dog attack last week. The veteran surfer peeled back his bandage to show the teeth marks from the doberman yellow lab who chomped on his arm. Apparently our victim was minding his own business riding his bike on one of the trails over there when he rode up on a woman walking her dog. He tried to give them as wide a berth as possible, but the dog pounced and the dog owner couldn't control the retractable leash in time to stop the attack.

Our first yuppified thought after hearing this story was predictably litigious: This is Bellevue after all so you know she has to have money. But of course the answer was no: What kind of surfer would want to talk to a fucking lawyer?

Then our second less-yuppified thought was: Wait a minute! An attack dog trained to assault bicyclists? Holy Christ, that's just what we need! We know just the bicycle riding enthusiast hobo elitist "urban primitive" jackass we would sick this dog on. Where can we find one of these? We would love him and pet him and we would name him Jack Bauer. The dog, that is, not the bicycle snob.This could be a compelling sequel to the Sam Fuller classic White Dog, updated to reflect contemporary mores.