Vote For Blake: A Tutorial
The rumor is that liberals don't vote. That goes for presidents as much as it does for American Idol, and our guess would be that it applies even more to the latter. We've heard it from several people that adults don't vote, either. After last week's grossly misguided injustice, we're fairly certain both rumors are true. That's why we're making it a point to head off further sadness the best way we know how: with a blog post.
Blake Lewis is from Bothell. He's 25, he's single (ladies!), and he's pretty as can be.
It's no secret that Seattlest has a very fond affection for his competitor, Jordin Sparks. But let's face it--when it comes down to it, you've got to protect your own; and, despite the fact that he claims to have never had a cup of coffee in his life, Blake Lewis is one of our own.
How so? You ask. Well, his muscular forearms are covered with tattoos. He would sound magnificent singing a Death Cab song. Let's hope he does one tonight. His manhood is so not threatened by all the gay rumors. He has dude friends, he loves them, and there's nothing wrong with that. Ra Scion and Sir Mix-a-lot were willing to stand on a stage in front of a shitload of people and profess their undying love for the guy--isn't that enough?
Jordin Sparks is crazy-talented, sure, but she's from Arizona, land of John McCain. Do you know what they do down in Arizona? They sit in the sun and gloat about how easy life is in such nice weather. They also play golf and spend their weekends in Mexico or at the Grand Canyon. None of those things make for lasting artists. You need rain to be an artist. Rain is water, water makes life, and where there is life, there is art.
We're really trying here. Just watch the show tonight. If you don't know how the whole thing works, read this. Call the numbers associated with Blake Lewis's name (there will probably be about 10 different options), and vote. Don't just do it once. Do it a hundred times. Do it because it's right, because he's one of us, man, and you know he'd do the same for you.
