Local Nut Job Sez: TV's Conspiring to Show Less Slutty Cheerleaders

The strangest terrorist in the history of sports, television broadcasting, cheerleading, and terrorism is evidently operating out of Seattle. He or she alleges this conspiracy: that sports television producers are biased against sluttily-dressed cheerleaders.

And he or she is doing something about it--sending insecticide-laced letters to TV networks and local stations. This is from one of the author's letters, several of which have had a Seattle postmark:

For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time.

FBI Special Agent Fred Gutt doesn't get it, as he tells the P-I.

"It's a little bit confusing," he said. "Normally, I think people would focus on the opposite."

Confusing? Really? Not for us. If there is a conspiracy, we're with the stalker dude. We will not allow the public airwaves to be biased against the telecasting of extremely scantily-clad college girls! Wasn't there a Federalist Paper about this? Although, the insecticide takes things a little too far. And so does this. He or she (Ok, let's face it, this has gotta be a guy, right) complains that closeups don't last long enough:

Watch how they always zoom in on WNBA players shooting free throws then leave at the last second as she starts to shoot, disrupting the flow.

Disrupting the flow? Who's flow? Could we possibly be talking about the writer's...um...flow? Ew. The FBI's investigating, but we're thinking we might be able to settle the matter by providing this dude with Tivo and an unlimited supply of lotion.