With the Crowd on Its Feet and a Waltz Playing, Vonnegut Exited the Stage
Kurt Vonnegut, up there with Twain and Melville and Kesey as the most original American novelists ever in the history of writing stuff, died tonight. He was 84. He'd been in the hospital since a fall a couple of weeks ago. Attention kids: this is what happens if you chain-smoke for 73 years.
Based on our cursory search of local newspaper archives, Vonnegut's last local appearance would seem to be at Eastern Washington University's GET LIT! festival in 2004, at the Met theater in Spokane. Dan Webster wrote it up for the Spokane Spokesman-Review:
He opened by reciting the prologue to Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales," in Chaucer's original middle English.We know Vonnegut likely died with a bunch of tubes sticking up his nose, but we'll use Dan Webster's image in our mind's eye, thanks very much.He took Mel Gibson to task for, in directing his film "The Passion of the Christ," emphasizing the crucifixion "and not what Jesus said."
He used a blackboard to graph how to write a novel, deconstructing "Cinderella," "The Metamorphosis" and "Hamlet."
He equated the notion of exporting democracy to that of the conquistadors spreading Christianity.
He took shots at every conservative from George W. Bush to Rush Limbaugh.
Some of Vonnegut's best lines:
"The Chinese were so dumb they only used gunpowder for fireworks."
"Don't you think that it's time we used DNA analysis to find out who the freeloader is who's in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier?"
"All great literature is about what a bummer it is to be a human being."
"You think Arabs are dumb? Try doing long division with Roman numerals."
"So let's give another big tax break to the rich. That'll give bin Laden a scare he'll never forget."
And then, with the crowd on its feet and a waltz playing on The Met's sound system, Vonnegut exited the stage.
