These Are the People in Your Neighborhood

Hot on the heels of revelations of what it's like to share a condo building with former Seahawk Jerramy Stevens (good if you like getting showered with condoms and vomit), comes a bizarre story from the Atlanta home of new Seahawk Patrick Kerney.

A woman who was Kerney's houseguest claims she was raped there. She says she met a guy at a bar (The Lodge, in Buckhead), brought him back to Kerney's house, and fell asleep after a nightcap. Then, she told police,

she woke up in the bedroom and the suspect was having intercourse with her. When she told the suspect to stop, he placed his thumb on her throat and continued.

The woman told police she was able to escape by telling the suspect she was going to get a friend to join them. Instead, she ran into the bathroom with a friend and the suspect fled the scene along with his two friends.

Kerney says he was asleep through this whole thing. The police report, obtained by Mike Sando of Seahawks Insider, says that the assaulter was black, while Kerney is white. So he wouldn't appear to be a suspect, at least not in the assault.

The sports blog Kissing Suzy Kolber has these tips for people who live near NFL players:

-Offer your wife
-Get the Slomin’s Shield
-Get an awning to shield yourself from falling condoms
-Offer to dig holes for all the dead strippers
-Buy a vacation home and live in it year round
-Pick up a copy of Ugly Kid Joe’s “Neighbor” and listen to it daily for catharsis
-Strap steak to your child, ask Joey Porter to have his pit bulls spare you in exchange
-Shoot self in head