Greg, What We Need Here Is A Tunnel!

Look, Nickels, a little strategy for ya. A little Tao of tunneling. You want a tunnel that bad, you gotta go with the flow of where the tunnel wants to go. Screw the waterfront thing that was crazy. But here you go -- concerned citizen Craig Dalby has found you a place for a new tunnel: the Montlake Cut.

What he's proposing is a four-to-six-lane bridge be built north of the existing 520 bridge. From the east, it runs west through the opening of Union Bay then curves north and makes landfall a skoche northeast of Husky Stadium. Then Greg, then comes a TUNNEL! under the Montlake Cut, and cars pop back up on the current freeway near Portage Bay. Greg? Greg! Dammit, somebody get us some smelling salts!

Here's the thing: it smells like grassroots spirit and big gov't greenbacks! Dalby's got a letter from both the UW Botanical Gardens Committee (heavy hitters, Greg, heavy pocketbooks, wink-wink) and the U.S. Department of the Interior. According to our sources at the UW Daily, the letter says, lemme get my reading specs, uh:

At least conceptually, this specific example presents itself as a possibly prudent and feasible alternative.

Fire up the earthmovers! Have them line up behind Dalby, and send him in!

“The Arboretum Bypass Plan restores the Arboretum to its pre-1960 appearance,” Dalby wrote in his proposal. “No Arboretum plant specimens are damaged, and the existing freeway is removed from the landscape.”

Dalby, a Geographic Information Systems Specialist for the National Park Service, is inexperienced in the field of engineering, but has received nothing but praise for his new design.

Here's the kicker, Greg. This rube Dalby's thought of everything. His plan allows for light rail to be incorporated -- "OTHER PLANS (and here we show the grainy black-and-white perp shots, ya follow?) DON'T!" Okay, okay, you wanna see the plans -- lessee, got 'em here someplace, oh yeah, the shrubberyists are hosting them here. Unspoiled freaking wetlands and light rail, Greg! We'll own those greenifying "gotcha" geeks at the Stranger. Own 'em! I'm talking pot brownies from Savage's own kitchen, lifetime supply!

Okay, okay, one last thing: the tunnel's gotta have a name right? Nickels, what goes with Nickels...? Nah, it's not too early. Think about it, that's all. Remember, it's for the kids.