And He Was Disqualified After Severing His Partner's Toes

Among the Q-List celebrities on the next edition of Dancing With the Stars? Seattle's own Olympic hero, speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno, who we can only assume got a lowball offer from Ice Capades.

What fun! But what shame he could bring on our city if he can't beat Heather Mills, who will become "the first contestant with an artificial limb to compete on the series." Way to break down those barriers, Heather. Amputees everywhere applaud you.

Mills was also, of course, the first amputee to marry a Beatle, although not the first crazy bitch to do so.

But we digress.

Ohno will compete against Mills, Laila Ali, Clyde Drexler, "Big Pussy" from Sopranos, Billy Ray Cyrus, Joey Fatone, Miss USA 2004 Shandi Finnessey, Leeza Gibbons, Paulina Porizkova and Ian Ziering. Yes, it's the most people you could fit in a single room and still have a total IQ under 100. Let's just hope they're smart enough to get themselves fitted for Docs.