Land-Stealing Tyrant Lincoln Was Born Today

Once, Washington stretched all the way from the Pacific Ocean to the Continental Divide. From the Canadian border to the 46th Parallel. Lake Coeur D'Alene, Lolo Pass, it all belonged to us.

Until a gangly thief, born 198 years ago today, emancipated it away.

Imagine how magical it could be to get your car tabs in Missoula, or buy liquor at state-established markups in Kalispell, or pay 8.8% sales tax in Twin Falls. Sadly, because of the so-called hero Lincoln, you can't. In 1863, Lincoln stole what's now all of Idaho, part of Montana, and part of Wyoming away from our future state.

Of course, they're afraid to teach you the real truth in our state schools, some of which, shamefully, are even named for the greatest villain in Washington's history. Seattle is spared this indignity--our L****** High closed in the 70s, though the building still hosts other schools while their own structures are remodeled.

The nation may be celebrating Lincoln with a national holiday, but here at Seattlest, we'll just be weeping.

Image by Matthew Trump