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Tuesday night, still-rising-from-kitchen-roots icon Rachael Ray was whisked into the University Bookstore to smile her sorta-loony smile, say catchy, vaguely strange stuff (Yum-o!), and sign a bare minimum of 300 books for an endless stream of star-struck fans.
We didn’t know that only folks who’d purchased her new book at the venue were given a Golden Ticket of sorts—a pass to stand in line for hours and get Ray’s black-marker autograph on her book(s) and magazine(s). The people in line were a step ahead. Moms with tickets played Monopoly with their kids on the floor. Couples with tickets chatted about recipes. Young guys with tickets debated Ray’s hotness. The line they formed wrapped the central staircase, spanned the main floor, and stretched back to the doors.
We infiltrated the queue just west of Presidential Biographies. A surprisingly calm, amiable employee came by and said that without a ticket, we might still get a chance to have her sign our book (we’d grabbed one and decided to purchase it after she did, if so), if all 300 ticket-holders didn’t turn up. Sheesh. We grabbed something on Abe Lincoln, held it open and looked over it at the line. It seemed every demographic—gender, race, color, creed, religion, sexuality, age, and body-type—was represented. Most everyone likes to eat, after all.
A few minutes later, another (less amiable) employee came by, issuing ticket-holders a second, raffle-type ticket. This would ensure they got all the way to Ray’s table upstairs. We weren’t sure why this was necessary, and asked about it; she kicked us out of line.
We reentered it, at the end. A stocky dude with a badge and gun stared at us. It was five to seven, when Ray was scheduled to appear. A third Bookstore employee came by with a stack of Post-It notes, jotting down what people wanted Ray to inscribe. (Yum-o! seemed to be the popular choice.) When she found that we didn’t have either ticket, she kicked us out of line.
Screw this, we said, and went upstairs, thinking maybe we could catch a glimpse of the new, improved Oprah 2.0 to justify the 90 minutes we’d wasted. Serendipity! We found two tables loaded with completely ignored appetizers—smallish chicken meatballs, little veggie pizza slices, etc.—and started piling up—
Screams! Cheers! Camera flashes! Rachael Ray appeared about ten yards away, amid a thick ring of devotees, attendees, and cameramen. She made some jolly quip about getting started, flipped her noticeably darker-than-usual hair, and took a seat. People climbed shelves to get a look at her. A little girl, held aloft by her dad, kicked an entire shelf out of its socket. A severe woman repeatedly asked people to back off, clear the area, we need a space here in case of fire.
Between mouthfuls of delicious yogurt-sauce-coated chicken, we stood on our toes to take a few (crappy) pictures and headed for the exit. After twenty minutes of signing, the line didn’t appear to be any shorter. Hundreds of Seattleites might have had their books signed by a famous cook/TV personality/cute-ish weirdo last night, but we got their share of the meatballs.
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Nice work Clint. Way to bypass the crazies for the yummy meatballs. Rachael Ray's fucking annoying anyway.
rachell ray can't cook, she needs an APRON WHEN HANDLING FOOD. FOR SANITARY REASONS.AND I AGREE WITH YOUR COMMENT!!!
Someone who works at Earth and Ocean in the W said she dined there Tuesday night and insulted the kitchen by ordering a HAMBURGER.
I found you on "Rachael Ray Sucks!" reading the article by Clint. I meet Jessie, Retched/Raytard's eleven year old niece, who lives with her mom, Maria, on Long Island and asked her how she felt about her FN mega sperstar aunt, she said,"I think she is old and stupid". When I asked her why she felt that way she replied, "Every month she makes my mother beg on the phone just to get her to send our pay check. We work for her and she always makes me fill embarrassed all the time". An ex-Retched/Raytard viewer: Ronald McCulloch ps: Post on United Press
What terrible comments if you don't like her don't watch who are you to judge her? Hang in their rachel their idiots everywhere you just have to learn to laugh at their igorance.
rachel ray need an APRON!!!!FOR SANITARY REASONS!!!SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HER!! SHE'S ON NATIONAL TELEVISION HANDLING FOOD.NO ONE NOTICE THIS BUT ME!!!!!!