We have been eagerly observing the re-construction of the approaches to the Fremont Bridge for some time now--ever since the project started in the late Cretaceous Period and we got inadvertently stuck behind some of its traffic. We watched for weeks and weeks and thought to ourselves, "just how long does it take to rebuild a two-lane approach?" Don't get us wrong; we were ridiculously happy to see actual construction rather than the usual Insipid Civic Seattle Process.
Imagine our surprise last evening, then, when we saw a small armada of SDOT vehicles with flashing lights and platoons of workers with their stylish orange vests. According to the friendly engineer with whom we spoke, traffic is being shifted to the newly-remodeled eastern half. Let us be the first to say that, based on our cursory glances of the new approach, it looks positively darling: smart and modern. The contractor will shift to demolishing the now-passe western half like it was last Tuesday's cerulean blue sweater.
Seeing as we will experience neither a net loss nor net gain of lanes until the project is complete, we don't foresee any major change in your routine, dear commuter. During our tenure in Fremont, which gives us a window view of the bridge,we have become quite enamored with this saucy little bascule. Despite all the ruckus of the burly construction worker demanding her attention, she remains an amazingly efficient span. When all the rich boaters with their tall sailboats court passage, she raises and lowers with remarkably little disruption to automotive traffic. Compared to the lumbering oaf that is the Ballard Bridge, the I'm-too-graceful-to-be-trifled-by-your-dumb-schedule University Bridge, or that snobby Montlake Bridge, the Fremont Bridge is a real gem.
Lest you think that we've been drinking the laced Kool-Aid, we submit that we aren't the only ones engaging in boosterism. Invoking grandiloquence, SDOT had this to say:
"While there has been congestion caused by lane restrictions on the bridge, especially at peak periods, I am pleased that traffic has flowed relatively well," said SDOT Grace Crunican. "Our work together with the contractor and the community to minimize traffic disruption has paid off, and we will have a bridge that will serve the community for decades to come."
We think that this passage needs a few exclamation points; we get goose bumps just thinking about how pedantically we would've written or said it. Perhaps even a Bully! or two. This is no time for meekness. After all, what with all this water around us, why shouldn't we take great pride in our spanking bridges!?
Finally, one oddly amusing item did happen to catch our eye as we read that News Advisory courtesy of the CityOfSeattleGregJNickelsMayor. It was the line that stated:
On October 30, the contractor will begin demolition of the western half of the bridge, starting at the south approach and then moving to the north approach. The contractor intends to demolish during the day and process the spoils at night.
We know that's just plain engin33r-speak; however, processing the spoils... at night makes the operation sound shady, as if some Teamsters were going to drop off the bodies of politicians who voted the wrong way to be used for some component of the new structure. It also sounds vaguely dirty, as if pirates will intrude up the canal nightly to claim their spoils. No matter! Do whatever you must, civil engineers, SDOT, and unnamed contractor. Be it by rum, sodomy, or the lash, spend extravagant amounts of taxpayer money on low-bid concrete and bring us our bully bridge!



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