Seattlest Completes the Strip Club Trifecta
Back when we made our oh-so-controversial declaration that Seattle's strip clubs sucked, there was a little nagging voice at the back of our head. "What about the Sands?" it whispered. "You haven't actually been there. And they were remodeled recently. Maybe it's awesome!"
We ignored that voice and published our post anyway -- we've got quotas to meet.
Last Friday night, however, we ended up at Ballard's sole strip club to celebrate one of our friends' turning 30. Our gender-blended group of seven stopped by at about 10:30. None of us had been there before, though several other people in our group had been taunted by the mystery of Sands since preadolescence.
Turns out we were right all along: Seattle doesn't have any good strip clubs. The Sands feels like someone converted their '70s-era rec room into a strip club. The atmosphere is pure rinky-dink, and it's not hard to understand why they're the only club in Seattle that doesn't charge for admission.
There were maybe eight dancers working. We thought two or three of them were kind of attractive, but one of the GGG (and single!) women in our group said later that "I've seen more attractive hookers working on Aurora." Meeee-ow.
Each dancer went onstage for one song. The first five dancers we saw made halfhearted attempts to vogue or pose. Dancer #6 actually used one of the stripper poles, proving that they weren't purely ornamental elements on stage.
Between songs, after perfunctory audience applause, the place went silent. Tomblike. We've never heard a silent strip club before. Turns out few things in this world are less erotic.
We stayed about half an hour and didn't bother trying a lapdance. Before we left, one of our friends who knew we'd been to Rick's and Deja Vu asked how Sands compared. "It's in third place," we said, feeling worldly. Then we finished our second Diet Coke (2 drink minimum, $5/drink) and took off for a bar.
Yes, Deja Vu, you're the best club in Seattle. But don't believe that's anything other than victory by default.
